Self-esteem, self-image, weight loss, & weight gain, are topics that we hear about constantly in today's day and age. Most people blame the ideas of idyllic perfection that people obsess over, on the media and the images celebrities impose on audiences; whether through print images, commercials on television, or music videos, the images produced, sold, and shown to us today have effected millions of people around the world. For Janet Jackson however, a world renouned superstar, praised for her musical prowess, and thrilling good looks, has sulked in her own despair due to the same issues plaguing the likes of you and I.
In her first book, "
True You: A Journey To Finding and Loving Yourself", Janet writes candidly and extremely openly about her bouts with her own debilitating issues of self-image, doubt, and self-esteem. Starting from the age of six, she penned that she always remembered comparing herself and her looks to those of her older sisters, insinuating that even at such a tender age, she felt that she needed to look a certain way to feel a sense of happiness. Janet encourages the discovery of uniqueness and for each individual to know what it is that is special about them, a trait she says she lacked. She writes,
"
At age six though, I didn't have the slightest clue about my uniqueness. All I knew was that my sister was the most beautiful woman in the world ---- and I would never come close to her beauty. At six, I was already feeling bad about myself."She remembers children in school singling her out because of her race, her hair being different, and comparing herself to the smaller, skinnier girls in her classes. She also dwells heavily on the teasing she endured from her own siblings, Michael in particular. Janet writes that she was constantly told her body did not look the way that it "should look", or that her butt was, "too big", or that she "ate too much".
She recalls one occassion when Michael introduced her to someone who Janet thought was much thinner and prettier than she was, a girl named "Andy"; A disguised name to protect the identity of the real person. Janet recalls a slight obsession with the girl who Michael found to be ideal in his eyes. Andy became a conscious figure of perfection in Janet's mind and she took on Andy's hobby of horseback riding, even though Janet was and is, allergic to horses.
When she was older, upon the thinking that she was completely over her issues, Janet found herself checking into a hotel using the name, "Andy", bringing back the idea that she still very much so, wanted to be that "thinner, prettier, svelte" girl that her older brother gushed over. Her rooted issues, were still with her.
In this book, Janet shares many stories from her own childhood, teen years, and adulthood that have plagued her and her constant battle with herself and her self-image for years. Some stories discuss her fear of eating. As a young school girl, Janet would sometimes skip all her meals during the day and find herself binge eating in the evenings. Once instance she remembers coming home from school after skipping breakfast and lunch and spying a sweet potato pie, which she devoured out of sheer hunger. She described the happiness and satisfaction she found that came after eating. A happiness that pillowed the guilt of her skipping meals. She says,
"Food was an enemy, food was a friend, food was a comfort."
This would be a line Janet lived by for the next 20-something years of her life.
There was also a moment in Janet's life where ontop of her lingering issues with weight and self-esteem, that she became focused on breaking free and adopted the mindset that she needed to take control. Later learning that the control she wanted so desperately, was really a need for the ability to speak her mind, something she feared, living under her father's roof. Janet discusses the breaking away from her family and writing and creating the "
Control" album. However, she soon discovered that the idea of total control was a facade, writing,
"I'm still addicted to control, but I also know that an attraction to control can become an addiction. The more I have, the more I want. Just as there is no drink that will set the alcoholic free, no drug to liberate the junkie, there is no amount of control that will satisfy that kind of freak. "
"We work to do the best we can and be the best we can. But can we control it all? We can't. And when we finally stop trying, we realize the benefits of relaxation, acceptance, and peace of mind."
Words written like someone who is finally at peace with letting things just be. Although, before reaching this level of peace, this fascination with control increased her on-going battle with her body image. Even after critical acclaim in the media for her work as a singer and performer, Janet felt the pressure from every direction. One in particular, after praise for her album,
Control the executives at Janet's label felt that it would be best if she appear
thinner in her video for "What Have You Done For Me Lately?". And, in being the quiet, follower of directions, Janet abided. However, she writes,
"It was a time in my life when I should have been enjoying success. But I wasn't. In many ways, whether in control or not, I was still preoccupied about body rather than soul. I knew I had to change."
But even then, Janet still felt the heavy-weight of her deep self-consciousness. Slimming down for her "
Love Will Never Do (Without You)" video, Janet was praised for how great she looked, until someone close to her said, "
You can't be seen in public like that. You look nothing like your video, nothing like your television appearances. You can't go out." A statement Janet writes, "..contributed to my depression."
She began to shut herself out from the world.
She was a compulsive worker, and with the release of the janet. album, she admitted that the pressure she was under to maintain herself went too far. She writes of abusing laxatives and dangerously undereating; actions she says are, "not worth it, don't do it. It's not true you."
Janet's continued journey enlists the ideas of self-doubt and self-condemnation. During periods of time between
Rhythmn Nation and
janet., she recalls the memories of comparing herself to her sister, her public image, caused despair and extreme mood swings. As well as the constant weight fluctuation. Her self-doubt went so deep that she even questioned her ability as an entertainer writing,
"How could I have been so naive? How could I have fooled myself into believing that I was actually a good entertainer?"
A line, that to most, seems ridiculous. That, Janet Jackson would question her ability and talent. But this is the truth that she needed to reveal to get the message across that we all need to be open about our troubles. She speaks adamantly about how if she was able to confide her inner most fears and thoughts to someone, that maybe she would have never felt so alone. The feeling of being alone in her feelings and confusion, to Janet, is what broke her and started the foundation of her most inner issues with herself.
This book, with every story of Janet's told, and stories from her friends and fans, she constantly reminds the reader that the pain can be decreased if only you are truthful with yourself and speak up about it with anyone who will listen.
True You is basically a guide for anyone who deals with daily feelings of inadequacy, weight issues, saddness, depression, and any and all feelings that stop you from being yourself.
A man whose story Janet reveals in one chapter, discusses his bout in rehab and she asked him what the experience was like in the rehab center he attended and he told her,
"The biggest eye-opener for me was this simple realization that I hadn't been taking care of myself. And, to be honest, I didn't even know what it was like to take care of myself."
He also discussed the power of giving up control, when situations and feelings are out of control and too overwhelming saying,
"The surrender and admission were monumental. Because the
paradox is that most of us need others---other people, programs, and
prayers---to show us how to care for ourselves. Yes, and how to
love."
The journey we all face, does not always have to be a lonely one -- it's the basic under-lying message of this book. Jackson writes that running away, changing cities, or dying your hair, won't change or erase the issues you have. The moment that issue shows it's ugly head, in an unannounced and intruding way, that new hair color won't disguise you. That new city won't hide you. And running away, will always lead you to your problems door step.
Janet's aim is to simply help people realize that these issues facing them, are universal and that there is always someone, somewhere, willing to lend an ear. An ear she wish she leaned into as a young child, teenager, and even as a young adult.
It is a really inspirational, eye-opening, uplighting, and freeing book to read. There's an innate connection within the pages and all the stories shared; Janet Jackson is one of us and her journey is no different than the next persons. Your story too, can end up enlightened and with a well-deserved peace of mind. We all, as human beings, deserve that chance to be heard and healed no matter what it is that is troubling our ability to live life freely and happily. Janet's message is clear,
"I am me, the true me; you are you, the true you---and that's good. That's beautiful. That's enough."
