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moonchild
 lover.friend.daughter.sister.jewelry designer. student of life.creative.writer.cancer. native new yorker.residing in new jersey. Instagram
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i was sick tuesday and wednesday...and yesterday..was just not a good day. i didn't sleep...maybe about an hour if anything. my eyes just would close for the reason i needed them to. but that's done with. and today well i just came home from school early i got sick this morning so..go figure. my stomach hasnt been right. im starting to think it's nerves...sigh and after this week my nerves are shot to hell. so its probably why my stomach is so sensitive right now. i dunno i just wanna go in my bed..curl up under the covers and sleep for as long as i possibly can.. Maybe I'm the only one who loves the security of your own bed. When it's cold..it's warm. When your tired..it rests your head. OK so i have issues..lmao. Honestly I don't know what to write about right now..I wanna write about so many things..but it won't come out right. And I have this tendancy to never admit as a whole..how I feel to people. Not that people have any right to know what I'm feeling..nor do they care probably..but it helps, and its just something I have a problem...even writing; let alone saying. Sometimes I wish I could just scream it out at people..just to get it out. I have no problem telling people my opinion of things or my opinion of them....but my feelings? No..I can't ever picture myself just telling someone my inner most thoughts..fears...lusts..loves..saddnesses. Maybe my problem is that I don't want to relive them. That if I retell them..it'll just bring back those things...the things I hide for such petty reasons. And this here reminds me of "The Velvet Rope" now that I re-read it quickly... Let me explain what I mean by that for those who don't own that album... It's a metaphor..velvet ropes in reality separate people. At clubs they separate the regular part of the club, from the VIP. What's so special about VIP? Well we don't really know..we don't know those people; and probably never will because they're not accessible to us. Now if you look at that situation figuratively..we as people put our own velvet ropes up. We block things out that we don't want to coincide or intertwine with our lives..things we experience that we'd rather not talk about, that we'd rather not admit, that we'd rather sweep under the rug. With that, people never find out who we are..because our experiences define us. They make us stronger, they make us smarter..and blocking them out is that velvet rope separating us from knowing ourselves and letting other people know who we are. And i realize..which is weird..bc I know what the situation is..but i realize that's exactly what I'm doing. Eventually I'm going to trip over that heap I swept under the rug. Which is what I don't want... I guess I still have to work on it all...get my thoughts together in time. I'm going to just shut up now..go upstairs..and curl under my covers and rest my head.. <3 shannon QUOTE OF THE DAY: ".....Sometimes people come into your life and you know right away that they are meant to be there to serve a purpose, to teach you a lesson, or to help you figure out who you are. You never know who these people may be, but when you lock eyes with them, you know that every moment they will effect your life in some way." - Unknown |