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moonchild
 lover.friend.daughter.sister.jewelry designer. student of life.creative.writer.cancer. native new yorker.residing in new jersey. Instagram
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Anywho..today was a let down. I was thinking we were gonna leave school early because it was supposed to start snowing @ 10. But it didn't start til' 1. Psh..but its snowing now..and we already have a shit load, and it's not stopping til'l tomorrow night...YAY! i know theres no school tomorrow and..im guessing probably none wednesday. *crosses fingers* As for my "dilemma" yesterday...It's done..over with. You will not hear about it again. I got an opinion about it and was told that I'm probably wasting my time, shouldn't deal with a situation with such confusion , i have plenty of other "things" to look into, foward to..you get the idea, and that their head was gased. So basically a loss for the other team..certainly not mine. For my friend..you know who you are..lol Girl..I'm not one to hang around and wait for "signs" or just "pick up" on things. Its either he makes his move, spits his game, or I'm gone. You shouldn't either...in your situation, homegirl..he wants you to make him feel like he's all you have, and you should only give him that if you get it in return. And especially COMMUNICATION..tell him you do not read damn minds. lmao. If he wants it to be healthy he has to talk too..Last time I checked your name is not Ms. Cleo. lol When you read this...call me! yea..my breath has been taken alright..*just breathe* sh!t was so good. everything was nice. and of course stuff comes up out of nowhere to ruin your mood. y'know...I'll look at it with a smile..because everything happens for a reason. Somethings are not meant to be..and I'm fully accepting that now. Probably could do better myself...I think I need to realize how fortunate I am..and I need to stop seeing, picturing, dreaming, and thinking that I know something is going to happen, because it's the main reason alot of things get messed up for me. I jump to too many conclusions. Here's another chapter to my work in progress...and I'm lovin' it. Moving ON.... I'm going to go watch the Oscars red carpet now..and soon after..the actual Oscars show....Let's go Jamie Foxx! NO SCHOOL TODAY! *goes to party* Y'know everyone says "Oh, celebrities are rich, and all they do is make their music and spend money". Though true, they are very wealthy, and they spend their money on lavish and luxurious things, and alot do have no brains at all, there are a few people (yes, I'm calling them people, because they're human beings just like the rest of us) out there who don't have that facade. Thye might have a role they play, but few admit it. Few admit that they are criticisizing of themselves, few admit that they have problems, probably (not trying to sound like I would know..I obviously wouldn't but from reading and alot of media research-) because theres a barrier there, separating them from who they were before the attention, and who they are now with money and fame. As much as people would call it BS, money and fame is an enormous pressure. Yea, you're able to live a fabulous materialistic life, but it's true when people say "Money doesn't buy happiness". You can easily lose sight of who you are, thinking you have to live up to a flawless, perfect slate of a human being because of the media, because of the money, because you have so many loyal and loving fans who look up to you. I don't think I've seen more then a handful or two, artists who have admitted to their public that, they are, they have to be, two different people, and the hardest person to be is their trueself. Reading this letter written to Essence, in my opinion, you're able to gain a whole new respect for the person (Janet). Not only because she's being brutally honest about herself, but because she's (shocking to some people, why? I don't know) immensely intelligent. Some people aren't meant to speak at all, some aren't meant to make it far in life, some people aren't able to comprehend things to an extent where they can understand them, and make use of it (advice), but in this letter, it really shows the double life she suffered from for so long. Dealing for so long, with the struggle of trying to find herself, because she felt she had to be this flawless person because of what she was born into. Then later, realizing, speaking, dealing, healing, and admitting what she needed to stop hiding, the fact that she too had problems and even though she did, she was a beautiful person for doing so. For so long, she hated herself because of supressed feelings but came to the realization that, "Hey, I'm human, I'm like everyone else, and whether or not people like it, I'm not perfect." Who does that? Who puts themselves; their life out there like that for the free world to dive into and nit pick? A courageous, and strong person does. It's humility. What alot of people lack, being able to face their own imperfections and accept that, "Yes, I'm not perfect, but I'm happy with who I am" There's just so much shown about a person when they are able to do that. I, myself I don't know how honest it would be to say, "I know I'm not perfect, but I'm pleased with the person I'm turning out to be". People take years to figure out who they are, and to come to terms with themselves. Hell..I'm only 16. Who knows what will happen 10-15 years from now, I'm sure I'll have struggles, I'm sure I'll have depressions, I'm sure I'll face things that will take a brutally honest person to accept and to admit. But I truly, do feel that at this point, with all I've seen and the things I've been through, I've been given an opportunity at this age to examine myself to a certain extent, and feel proud of me. I refuse to take full credit for it though, because I've been inspired, and I've been guided. I'm appreciative, and I'm grateful that at a young age I was able to use my most extensive characteristics, being observant and being able to sit back and listen, and put them to use. I'm still learning, I know I am, I learn about myself everyday, but reading that letter, it really shows how easily, and how quickly you can lose yourself. You really have to be focused on you, and you have to try so hard to make the best choices that your heart and mind know how to make. I'm not saying go through life hesitantly, but go through life being aware that there might be a hole around the corner that you might fall into and strength, determination, and self love is the only way you're going to get out it. *EDIT @ 10:10 PM* - new p0em "smoke" added. :) i had the weirdest encounter today..my mom and i went to this pizza shop to get lunch and this old man was sitting at a table behind us, and i sat down and my mom was taking off her coat, and the guy was like "is that your daughter?" and my mom was like "yes.." and he was like "ooh boy..my son would love her! shes gorgeous.." i was like -_- how odd.. and my mom said "..oh...ha...thanks?....shes 16" and he goes "wow 16?! whoa..i thought she was 21! shes just so, mature looking..shes beautiful though.." i was just like "..thank u.."ew..it was so akward..just out of nowhere.. *cringes* old men.. anyways.. ::turns up music:: sexy, quiet, shy but down for a good time.. y'know..i've been analyzing too much as of late. why in God's creation do I succumb to trying to figure people out..just people in general.. I try so hard to make people feel comfortable around me..make people try and understand me to an extend..try and make them feel interested in. I think it's important to be interested in others, it says alot about the person you are, and also makes others feel good about themselves. I just hate when I try, and try, mishap, and it's squashed. I guess I have to accept it though..if I wasn't who I am, and just acted shady and rude to people I'd be a sort of bigot. It just sucks when you try so hard to make yourself a nice person and people step on you. That's life I guess..For now..I'm here to take it head on. Screw them.. I smile for one at a time.. now..im going upstairs..to lay in bed and regret. ew..it was so akward..just out of nowhere.. *cringes* old men.. anyways.. ::turns up music:: sexy, quiet, shy but down for a good time.. y'know..i've been analyzing too much as of late. why in God's creation do I succumb to trying to figure people out..just people in general.. I try so hard to make people feel comfortable around me..make people try and understand me to an extend..try and make them feel interested in. I think it's important to be interested in others, it says alot about the person you are, and also makes others feel good about themselves. I just hate when I try, and try, mishap, and it's squashed. I guess I have to accept it though..if I wasn't who I am, and just acted shady and rude to people I'd be a sort of bigot. It just sucks when you try so hard to make yourself a nice person and people step on you. That's life I guess.. For now..I'm here to take it head on. Screw them.. I smile for one at a time.. shit happens, i guess. although i really wish my plans could've fell into place..i ruined that in the end..i ruin alot of things it seems. always happens to be something really nice..something really good..and there I go..do something of the sorts and just unconsciously fu.ck things up. i need to find a catharsis.. i lost my head in thought of all the stupid things i've said and i never meant to cause you trouble.. -Coldplay and i thought finally getting my computer all back and shit would be GREAT. so much for that...i mean it is great..but eh..okay let me just stop not trying to put this out there. *EDITED* well last night (friday) my parents and i went to dinner. we ate vietnamese food..realllly good. see..we're into all that kind of stuff..trying all these different foods from different cultures and mess like that. we ate ethiopian food last week..so we went from africa to vietnam.lol anyways..we ate and we went and saw mama mia. it was alrite..i wasnt "wow-ed" but yea..it was something. this morning, i woke up at 9...i had a driving appt. @ 10:30. Why so damn early??? Like the hell I'm focused that early..this old man had me drinkin coffee before i left so i made sure i dodnt fall asleep and crash the damn car. He was suprised tho..bc it was my first..i dunno what they call it..a lesson? what he didn't know is that i been driving since i was little..(thank u daddy..lmao) but yea he said he's only going to make me take two lessons instead of four bc i really didn't need them i already know what im doing. mwuahaha. i got it like that *pops collar* then..i got home..and my dad was sick..sooo we didnt take my mom out to dinner (her birthday is tomorrow she'll be 51!) so me and my mom went to the diner and ate and i cleaned my room..as if it were dirty..and it wasnt..but now its extra clean..spick and span..u can lick my carpet and its dustless/dirtless..whatever u wanna call it..lol but yea..we might bring her somewhere early tomorrow before all them fat old guys go out to all the places to watch that damn BORING ass superbowl this year. (go eagles!) as of right now..im sitting here..doing absolutely nothing..my computer has decided to act like its on the most f&cked up crack ever. i cant stand this cheap piece of plastic anymore..i wanna kick this sh!t out the window..*punches tower* junkie dell..hmph. *random thought* dont u hate when u listen to a song..and it reminds you of something you don't have? something you wish you had really bad? i just got a dose of that... :( :moment: im so relieved..you guys just don't know..i have gym first block. thats alrite i got a couple people in there i know..then art. steph is in my class, my fashion partner in crime.lol thats gonna be a fun class, i can just tell. then english which i LOVE already..we were assigned a personality essay already. how i LOVE to write..i'm already two pages into it just a paragraph left to write.lol i have c2 lunch now..whichh is a pain bc im used to A lunch..now i gotta wait til C..so im starving by then. i sit w/ big pun-Chris, adee, will, jerry, paiga, britney, and tyrell..bunch of clowns lol then if i have any..my least favorite class is geometry with pearson..i could just throw a damn book at that man. with his monotone voice..uuuuuuuuuuuughh..i cannot stand it. >_<> im tired out my ass today...good Lord..hmph.. Oh BTW..to everyone IMing asking me who Jason is.. SHHHH! it's annoying..seriously..people act like im married to him or something..aint even like that. -_- if there WAS anything remotely close to being "told" to any of you...it would be on here..but obviously what you want to know is not on here..so stop asking me. i think im gonna go call it a night..g'niite folks for J- ;) g'niite..and sorry i wasn't much company today..i'll make up for it. |