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moonchild
 lover.friend.daughter.sister.jewelry designer. student of life.creative.writer.cancer. native new yorker.residing in new jersey. Instagram
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<3 shannon QUOTE OF THE DAY: "You must be the change you wish to see in the world." -Ghandi you better believe i was doin the dances last friday at work. yess. lol and everyone is all like oo she can work it..blah blah she so good. yeah yeah..now they like her..haters. atleast people are seeing the light. anywho..what a week..so far! i been working since last thursday..YES! they got me slaving. besides for yesterday i called out sick. how triflin is this: i called not one, but three times. my shift was 4-8. i called at 11, 12:30, and 2.no one picked up. then i called like four times between 3 and 4 and no one picked up again..i finally called at 5 and they picked up and i got brian on the phone..why he gonna tell me why u didnt call us earlier? UM I CALLED 7 TIMES..OK?! he was like "wellll...did u get anyone to fill in for u?" im like "um. no. im sick. i dont have anyones number..im in no mood to call anyone..i cant help being sick." he was like um well talk to tiesha tomorrow, because thats a write up. im like wtf..i get written up for being SICK? are u kidding me tie never wrote me up for being sick before. so today i strutted my ass in there and tie was like no i dont get written up; DONT MIND BRIAN. fool. tryna act like he some queen. plz.. next ---> oh MONDAY, let me tell u guys..ugh. i donated blood out of the kindness of my heart..literally. first they asked me all these questions..almost wasnt able to give blood bc i went to the dominican republic, but since i didnt leave the resort i was alrite. then they had to prick my finger for iron and hemoglobin. well she did my left finger..it wasnt bad. but i had a 9.2. healthy is 12.6 and up. so now i have low iron and hemoglobin..she was clalin me anemic. so she pricked the other finger..like a drunken ho! she like sliced my finger..and then she was like ok good youre 12.9 in this hand. your good to go. meanwhile i got this huge slice in my finger..damn broad. i was pissed. so i walk over to the food table (they make us eat afterwards) and i was talkin to my friend angie and mercedes showed up. then i walked over to one of the open beds where this guy was doin ppl. (there was three nurses and each had three beds around them, so they were helpin three ppl) now there wasnt anyone tellin us where to go they jus told me to go on an open bed..so i sat down in the guys area. he turns around and goes "who told u to sit there?????" im like umm it was open. he goes so what! im like umm im supposed to go where theres an open bed. this was open so i sat myself down. soo..lets get this over with. and he was like oh now ure gonna get fresh, watch yourself. im like umm..listen. youre workin for the school, shut up. so i waited like 15 minutes til he finished the other ppl and he put the needle in..no big deal..i was done in three minutes. everyone else was there for 10 and mine was done in 3. thanks to the three bottles of water i drank prior to the needle. lol. when he took out of the needle i didnt feel anything til afterwards my arm hurt so bad. yesterday there was some bruising..that was normal. but Today..1. i cant feel the area around my elbow. 2.my hand is swollen and tingles. and 3. the bruise is HUGE and nasty and dark..its gross. it looks like im a victim of child abuse of domestic violence. this shit is insane. everyone is like u should sue blah blah. i have temporary nerve damage. they obviously hit a tendon and a nerve. i mean the needle was wayyy below where they normally put the needle. its was in my forearm. then today i was in guidance doing my transcripts and letters for college (sending them out) and the lady there was like yeha ppl were complaining the ppl werent very good. im like aw hell. these people. why do i always have to suffer these retarded ass random things? go figure. on a lighter note...ALL my college apps and mess are DONE! yesssss! im so happy and relieved. and whats even better, my guidance consuelor is going to push for me to get into a certain school. shes going to make phone calls and speak to the dean of admissions and all that bc she says she "believes in me". which is a great feeling..bc i need all the help i can get and its really nice to know that i have gotten all these great recommendation sheets and my guidance consuelor is not only calling for me, but she wrote a great recommendation also. so..*sigh* now all i do is pray. the college shes pushing for me is ramapo. man if i get in...whew. that'd be great. not only is it a nice campus and 15 minutes from nyc, but danielle n ana just got into there last week..and if we all went, we could request to room together................! im staying optimistic though..i have hope. i wrote my essay like it was the last piece i was ever going to write and it was going to leave my imprint on something or someone. and i just hope and pray that it does me justice. i put a lot into it. *crosses fingers for now* im going to go shower.<3 shannon<3 QUOTE OF THE DAY: "And to a world sick with racism, GET WELL SOON!" - Janet I can't seem to breath Feels like it hasn't been that long Since you walked away from me Now I can try to act real strong But you and I both know I still think of you, that way But baby I just wouldn't be the same Cuz you are still on my brain... -jt. shannon<3 QUOTE OF THE DAY: "Time doesn't wait for anyone; I shouldn't either..." -unknown. hmph shit. but yeah if i'm not on for awhile..this is the reason why. so right now we're going to costco to go see if we can get a new monitor for some cheap ass discount price..*pray for me* <3 shannon QUOTE OF THE DAY: "It doesn't matter how famous you become, or how much money you make...you'll never be as important as the ocean." -Justice Poetic Justice for one, my family is ...well..actually i dont know any words to describe whats going on. basically i think, my brother bobby is back on drugs. my brother jeremy is missing his $550 watch, and my dad discovered last night that $6000 worth of his fishing equipment and tools are missing. they all looked at my brother. and i didnt at first...they've always blamed him for a lot of things and have always been on his case..i've tried to stay as nuetral and understanding as possible. but in this case..it's just too much..in this case it does point to him. and it hurts..so, bad. this is his 3rd time out of rehab. he was lucky he even went to rehab bc he was going to be sent to rykers. he has a son now..and you'd think he'd clean up and stay that way...that baby is all he has to live for. and that baby needs a father..and all i see is him letting his son down and letting his family down. as much as my family has been on his case about things..i know they all mean well and they all care about him. i just dont think he knows that; despite the infinite times he has been told. and im also angered..because this is all so selfish to me. hes taking advantage of the fact my parents let him move back in. hes taken advantage of the fact that my sister in law lets him see the baby..with the way he treats her. i mean shes not the holiest person in the whole..shes a bit shady too but shes smart. and she knows that baby has to see his father. but he doesnt understand the morality of the situation. and he takes it all for granted. i dont know what has to happen for him to realize that everything he is and everything hes able to have right now can all be taken away in the snap of a finger. he can be in jail..never see his son and never be able to set his life straight til he gets out. it upsets me so much to kno that hes not better and that he may even be put away. i mean yesterday at work my mom came in before she was going to leave and told me about the equipment bc my father called her cell n told her..and she left and i just couldnt help but cry..i was standing in the store..and i just started to bawl. im thankful i work with great ppl..one of the guys jamal took me in the back and talked to me and got me water and made me a feel a little better..but all last night i was just so out of it...because i know. I know whats going on..and it's different this time because I'm older and I;m able to understand what this is and think about it..as opposed to being 5 years old the first time my 2oldest brothers got into drugs and watching them fight and get kicked out the house and just not know what actually happened. and even tthough those memories came up a while back and hurt...these i will admit..hurt even more. the consequences are more serious..and this is his life i'm scared for. i'm scared..and it scares me even more that I have no solution..but to be his sister. another thing..my heart is overwhelming me. it's just simply losing patience i think..and i'm fighting that because i never feel the way i have. i dont want to lose that. i mean..even my friends have told me..omg you have emotion! and with this its different it makes me/made me happy..and it made me cheerful..unwillingly. and now i feel like...stagnant. i dont know..all i know is i dont want to lose this feeling..i honestly, truly do believe that this is for me..whether or not its in my face face saying "YES this will work"...i believe it..i believe in the preconceived future from my subconscious. lol it just feel like it'd be right. And thats my battle...to make it a truth. i just dont' know how yet.. but um..i'm gonna go DL some music.. shannon<3 QUOTE OF THE DAY: "When people show you who they are the first time, believe them." - Maya Angelou i'd write right now..but i have hw..a shower..some other ish to do..and my heart is hurting. :'( so i'll write when i'm in a happier state of mind. not to mention when i change this damn layout. yuck! i can't stand it. <3 shannon. QUOTE OF THE DAY: "Great things come in time." -Unknown. ok so what happened this weekend? not much. I worked Saturday..missed the SATs in the morning; I was sick. Then at 5:30 I went to work. It was...so-so. I saw Dave and Mike..two kids who I hardly know but act like they know me. Oh Anthony came and visited me..with JULIAN. I was soooo suprised..I haven't seen Julian in sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo long. Ugh he's so adorable. He's changed though..a lot. :-/ Anywho. OH! You know who else came to my job??? This triflin' ass lady who I got in a fight with at Marshalls back in the Spring..YEAH! This ho had nerve too. She real ugly and skinny..no style whatsoever..(See back in the springtime I was in Marshalls trying on blazers and whatever..and I guess she tried one on and didnt like it, and put it back on the rack outside the dressing rooms; and I passed by it, liked, tried it on, it fit, so I gave it to my mom to hold. Well the bitch came back out and was like where is my blazer I want it now. Then I came out after I changed my clothes and I was like "whats going on?" and my mom was like she wants this jacket. I was like um no. did u buy it? and she was like no and i told her well then it aint yours, your beat. and she was like but i tried it on first. i was like so who gives a damn u put it back u didnt want it, u lost. this aint a charity event. and she got the managers and whoever else in creation and they were like we cant do anything u didnt buy it. u put it back and they took it. then she followed us in the parking lot and my mom was like bitch keep following us i will run you over. and thats the last we saw her) She came in the store and wanted to try on these hootchie boots. So i got her size..w/e why she throw the boot at me and told me "take out the stuffing" im like excuse me..im an associate..not a slave. so she did it herself. then she got nerve..she asked me to take off the shoe from her foot. i was like my name aint Hazel..take off your own shoe..you aint the only customer. All my co-workers were like..W T F..shannon put her in her place! but I remained civilized as i possibly could. she eventually bought the $118 boots. but UGH what a ho. on a better and more enlightening note, I came home at about..11:15...Danielle called at 11:45 to go out with her. So I did.. :) On the way, we picked up eddddieee and we traveled to the Menlo Park Diner..for (me) a cappuccino and some shootin practice with a ketchup bottle. ..yeah.. and none of us had any skills. danielle was waaay too hyper for her own good. lmao. but i think we had a nice..40 minutes at the diner. atleast i did. :) oh new topic-- ok so i discovered Donnel Jones' new song featuring Jermaine Dupri last night on BET Late. "Better Start Talking"...ooh yes. "...Girl, can't you see? She wants to Take your place She wanna give me everything That you don't Don't let her just Walk right in Don't make a big mistake.. Pick it up So good that I can't let go You Better Start Talking.." Ah ha. How great is that. And it was so odd..bc I randomly woke up and it was on the tv..i heard the chorus..and it sang to ME! Yes, it did. lmao. Y'know..I'm not really going to go there.lmao. Let the song speak for itself. It's 11:09 and I gotta take a shower. So..I'll return another time. <3 shannon QUOTE OF THE DAY: " Doing what we love should be like breathing, we can't live a day without it." -OPRAH! i was sick tuesday and wednesday...and yesterday..was just not a good day. i didn't sleep...maybe about an hour if anything. my eyes just would close for the reason i needed them to. but that's done with. and today well i just came home from school early i got sick this morning so..go figure. my stomach hasnt been right. im starting to think it's nerves...sigh and after this week my nerves are shot to hell. so its probably why my stomach is so sensitive right now. i dunno i just wanna go in my bed..curl up under the covers and sleep for as long as i possibly can.. Maybe I'm the only one who loves the security of your own bed. When it's cold..it's warm. When your tired..it rests your head. OK so i have issues..lmao. Honestly I don't know what to write about right now..I wanna write about so many things..but it won't come out right. And I have this tendancy to never admit as a whole..how I feel to people. Not that people have any right to know what I'm feeling..nor do they care probably..but it helps, and its just something I have a problem...even writing; let alone saying. Sometimes I wish I could just scream it out at people..just to get it out. I have no problem telling people my opinion of things or my opinion of them....but my feelings? No..I can't ever picture myself just telling someone my inner most thoughts..fears...lusts..loves..saddnesses. Maybe my problem is that I don't want to relive them. That if I retell them..it'll just bring back those things...the things I hide for such petty reasons. And this here reminds me of "The Velvet Rope" now that I re-read it quickly... Let me explain what I mean by that for those who don't own that album... It's a metaphor..velvet ropes in reality separate people. At clubs they separate the regular part of the club, from the VIP. What's so special about VIP? Well we don't really know..we don't know those people; and probably never will because they're not accessible to us. Now if you look at that situation figuratively..we as people put our own velvet ropes up. We block things out that we don't want to coincide or intertwine with our lives..things we experience that we'd rather not talk about, that we'd rather not admit, that we'd rather sweep under the rug. With that, people never find out who we are..because our experiences define us. They make us stronger, they make us smarter..and blocking them out is that velvet rope separating us from knowing ourselves and letting other people know who we are. And i realize..which is weird..bc I know what the situation is..but i realize that's exactly what I'm doing. Eventually I'm going to trip over that heap I swept under the rug. Which is what I don't want... I guess I still have to work on it all...get my thoughts together in time. I'm going to just shut up now..go upstairs..and curl under my covers and rest my head.. <3 shannon QUOTE OF THE DAY: ".....Sometimes people come into your life and you know right away that they are meant to be there to serve a purpose, to teach you a lesson, or to help you figure out who you are. You never know who these people may be, but when you lock eyes with them, you know that every moment they will effect your life in some way." - Unknown |