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moonchild
 lover.friend.daughter.sister.jewelry designer. student of life.creative.writer.cancer. native new yorker.residing in new jersey. Instagram
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everything is just wrong. my family, school,...everything. y'know i'm really glad i have work and the few people i hang out with. honestly, if it wasn't for those two things i'd be insane by now. i've already written about whats going on in my house with my brother..and it's only gotten worse. and ...ugh..i've witnessed it before, but right now it hurt even more to watch. i just wanna lock myself in my room sometimes and just..cry and cry and cry. its killing me. and with all of this going on i start thinking about other things..and they make me upset. sometimes i dont even know why im crying. its really too much. i really did not picture this year starting like this. its so unfortunate, it really is. it's not like i'm not trying to be optmistic either. i am. i'm trying to encourage myself every single day to pick myself up and go on because I can only be rewarded by taking care of myself and doing the right things. staying out of everyone elses business and focusing on me. which brings up another thing..i get these feelings of guilt that maybe i focus on myself too much. when i know i shouldnt be thinking that way;i should always come first to me. but its like, maybe i'm shutting people out because of this... see..i hate when i get upset about things..they make me think about other things a lot harder than i should and i get these thoughts out of left field, that are just so bizarre. i just can't help it. my friend Ian came over last night..and he talked to me about all of this, but first and foremost he let me vent. which kinda eased a lot things. but it was nice having someone who doesnt give me a big loud "sigh" when i bring something up that follows with a rant. i dont have many ppl who i can just straight out vent to. which is also another thing that i thought about and is very discouraging..but then just knowing he allowed me to do that encouraged me to just keep my head up. But..God..it all hurts so, so bad. and i hate to admit it but I'm scared..the whole situation scares me to death. i know i can only chose t grow from this, or to wallow in dispair. i want to grow from it, and i want to learn and make it positive. it is just so hard and confusing. you guys reading this probably think im out of my damn mind or something; not that i care..everyone needs to rant. and i know we all get confused and upset.. i just wish i knew a way this time to get through it.. shannon<3 QUOTE OF THE DAY: "I'm living, so I'm grateful.." |