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moonchild

♥love.24.energy.flesh.bones.
lover.friend.daughter.sister.jewelry designer.
student of life.creative.writer.cancer.
native new yorker.residing in new jersey.






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currently on Fifty Shades Darker

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      You don't have to hold on to the pain, to hold on to the memory..
    So, I am going to thank Jill for making feel the need to bring up the past. Consequently, I am now a little down. :( THANKS JILL! Haha.

    No, really though, I brought up the one thing I've been over for like, a long time now. OK - maybe not completely over, but mostly over. A guy - yes. I honestly, don't know why I get the way I do when someone brings up his name -- because I really don't have any real "feelings" left in me anymore, besides reminscent feelings; what we "had" as in the far past - very far past. I constantly (when he comes up) despise the situation that happened between us. Everyone thinks its so unfortunate, even my own mother. I mean there wasn't any fault on either side, just a lack in, hm... what's the best way to put this? A lack of reciprocity.

    As soon as I felt I wasn't getting back what I gave -- it fell apart. I guess I let it get that way, but I nipped it in the bud -- or atleast that's what I aimed to do. However, things didn't change; & I stayed, I tried, and I kept a faith that I had no idea I had -- all for over 5-6 months... what is that?

    I scare the hell out of him is what he told me one night. If I knew what I did -- maybe it'd be different, but I have no idea. I tried. I gave up and called it quits. And I don't resent his actions.. what happens, happens. Period. I just hate that something that could've been, isn't....because of unworthy circumstances.

    I'll be alright I suppose. I guess it's a pretty indigenous, repetitious phase that people tend to go through every once in awhile; remembering past times and either fantasizing and/or regretting about things that have happened.

    Oh well.


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