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moonchild
 lover.friend.daughter.sister.jewelry designer. student of life.creative.writer.cancer. native new yorker.residing in new jersey. Instagram
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-- Sent from my T-Mobile Sidekick® If they are negative, I have to go in for cryo-freezing surgery (or whatever he said it's called) to freeze all the surface cells off my cervix - to clear and kill them. He said, most likely, that the cells never grow back the same. However, if the inside cells test positive, I have to get a conization biopsy where they cut out a rather large, cone-shaped chunk of the cervix, test it, and then re-test with a pap smear a couple of months later to see if the cervix grew back uninfected (he said almost all cases grow back normal and the cells are clear). Fun, huh? My doctor also told me this is, more than likely, the result of genetics. My mother had cervical cancer and unfortunately, when they discovered her abnormal cells - they were already cancerous and growing. The procedures did not work and she had a total hysterectomy after I was born. Lucky for me, these cells still have two levels to worsen before they turn cancerous - which my doctor said, is preventable with both the cryo-freezing and conization procedures. So, I start yet another nerve-wrecking experience this year. I'm starting to wonder if it's ever going to end? If I am ever going to be able to just fall asleep at night without wondering and suffering from all this anxiety? I'm only 20 and while most my age, deal with what parties to go to, if they're going to drink and screw somebody tonight, what classes to take, if they should skip class or go play video games with their friends, who they're going to hang out with tonight -- I'm sitting here wondering if I'm going to get better? Am I going to be able to stay focused on my classes and work while I have to go for all these tests and procedures? I've already lost a complete semester because of the start of this whole "abnormal cells" situation. I was misdiagnosed twice and left in the dark for three and a half months. Now, I just feel like there is no point in trying to do anything until this is all finally over. I'm so stricken with anxiety, I can't bear to imagine just going ahead and living normally. My mind runs circles around this situation every second and it hasn't stopped, all year. I guess I'll be alright, though. I've made it this far. I was awed and honored tonight as I watched a moment in history occur. Not only did this man display modesty and humility, but he painted a picture of promise, principle, and progress for prosperity in this great nation of ours. If you have yet to register to vote, do it now. Come November 4th, this man is chosen one for the job. After tonight, the answer could not be anymore clear, Vote Barack Obama for President.  Well, atleast I will be laying down. I'm only going for a cleaning, to show off my wonderful wisdom tooth-less mouth, and a filling. Apparently I have a very tiny cavity in the fourth tooth to the right of my front bottom two. Can you picture that? If you can't - here's some help:So yeah. Once I get out of there, I have about 4 hours to nap, if I idyllically get out of the dentist's office by 9:30. I have a dreaded female doctor appointment at 2:15. Womp womp. Apparently, they received my biopsy results - finally. Yeah, the biopsy I had TWO AND HALF MONTHS AGO. Even though homie told me within a week and a half, they didn't receive them until a month and a half later. So, I don't know if that is necessarily something I should be worried about or something I should be desperately wanting to shank someone about. Either it means they had no idea what they found and tested the sample over and over and had a bunch of doctors staked out in the lab painstakingly trying to discover what it is I have, or they just decided to take their sweet time and put my chunk of flesh in a line with a ticket that just so happened to have a rather large number on it. I haven't the slightest clue. But whatever. Wish me luck though. If I have cancer, I don't know if you'll ever see my words stretched across this page again. So, pray my fellow friends - pray to Saint Janet Jackson that my health is indeed, in the free xone. Til then...toodles. Technorati Profile I also made a new profile section and added a new song "This Bird" by Solange (Great album, if you're interested). I'll be back in the morning to post an entry. 'Nite. Of course, I am speaking of my lack of updates. Between my vacation, my surgery, and my issues following the use of Vicodin I've been an invalid to writing. And before anyone jumps on the, "OMG She's popping pills now?" wagon - stop that thought. Haha. I simply had a bad temporary reaction to the medication and basically it made me feel like a huge pile of nothing. It was weird. I'll devulge later after I re-design the site. Til' then throw out any of your own bottles of painkillers and relax. I'll regain cntr0l soon. ;) |