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moonchild
 lover.friend.daughter.sister.jewelry designer. student of life.creative.writer.cancer. native new yorker.residing in new jersey. Instagram
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--Before you read on just know that I am warning you now, this post is super personal LOL. But I don't give a damn just don't say I didn't warn you. Ok good. Anywho, it's been exactly 7 months to the DAY since it was present in my love life. Seven! SMH. And I'm a Janet Jackson fan..so you know I'm dying inside a little as each month passes and this dry spell becomes a DROUGHT! (For those who don't get that Janet reference, all you need to do is listen to "That's The Way Love Goes", "If", "Anytime, Anyplace", "Rope Burn", "Anything", "Would You Mind", etc and realize half the structure of a relationship between Janet & the fan LOL!) Now, I don't mind not getting it. Hell, I don't ever go there unless things are legit but DAMN! Where is the legitimacy around here? Where?! Let me know because the MapQuest in my life is broken. See I am the type of person that is completely analytical of the guys I even consider, let alone go there with. Wait, let me retract that; guys(2). There. Anywho, as I was saying... I have to see them in a certain light. For instance, there has to be some kind of challenge, attractive of course, good conversation, and has to have a potentially bright future. I'm not one of those who just get into things for the pleasure of it all. I don't feel I should waste my time. Shit, maybe it'll change if I'm 27 and still single. LMAO. Who knows. As for now, I feel I deserve everything I ask for -- not trying to sound over-demanding but I only demand the basics. I don't think it is necessarily difficult for a guy to have a challenge about him, be attractive, be smart, and to be focused. Say that last sentence outloud. I just did and realized, "You dumbass..if it wasn't difficult you wouldn't be in this DAMNED situation!" Sigh. So it seems that it wouldn't be that difficult. Clearly, it is but...I have high hopes for that special guy. I may have already found him..I'm not sure yet. But I do have my eye/mind on one person in particular. I doubt anything will come to fruition anytime soon but I do hope because he is one of a kind. My problem is whether or not he's even at a point in his life where he could be with someone. How do you find that out? I keep my distance with certain things -- we're not nearly in the vicinity of discussing such topics. As of now, I am just being a friend. I hate that but shit, I have no choice. lol. I think he finds me interesting...I know he doesn't know that I think of him the way that I do but...ugh it's all so confusing. Especially during times such as now, when I am totally overwhelmed by this lack of satiation. It makes me wanna just call him up and give it all away - however, I know that's the furthest from the right way to do this haha. I am not that crazy. I also think my past situation left me like this. His unability to satisfy was half the reason we no longer co-exist and I pray that none of you guys out there have to deal with anything remotely similar to that. Trust me. It is SO irritating and will make you want to give up in a heart beat. LOL. So here I am, still unsatisfied and single because I have such a complex of who I need to find. Maybe I will attempt to further things along and try to find out more and more about where he and I are headed....if anywhere. Sigh. Love. what the hell! haha. ttyl |