I refuse to believe this is all real. I never ever imagined that, at 21..I'd hear about the death of Michael Jackson. I thought my future children would be able to see him...maybe even performing or releasing new music. Now..it's just unfathomable that it won't happen. He's gone..forever.

You know..I've been crying a little here and there. It was weird because I was actually vacuuming that afternoon (eastcoast time) and I had to stop. I had really, really bad heartburn and decided to sit down and have a glass of water before continuing. Well, I never finished vacuuming until today. I went out of my way to go in my car and get my sidekick I had left in there the night before. When I got it, I checked Twitter to see what was going on with my followers. I kept seeing "Police Called To MJ's House" "Ambulance Rushed To Michael Jackson's Home". I ran into the house and hit the computer. I followed minute by minute;l I watched them pull out of his driveway and all the comotion around UCLA. Then I saw TMZ -- Michael Jackson Dead. I slouched and hit the back of my chair and had to breathe. "No, this is such a lie. Michael cannot be dead. Not Michael and TMZ is definitely not the place to hear it!" So, I watched everyone type in how only TMZ is stating this, not CNN, etc.

Slowly, but surely, the rest of the media outlets followed. Then I saw the LA Times website. Pop Superstar Michael Jackson Dead at 50. Then CNN followed awhile later. I took a moment...posted my thoughts and then decided to take a shower. There, I cried and cried and cried. I just couldn't take it. Then on the way to my aunts house today, I heard all the tributes on the radio. One of the stations started playing "Man In The Mirror" and I broke down. It just hit me like a brick. I was so engulfed with sadness. This man was my childhood. From the age of 3 to now, it's always been Michael Jackson. Just this past Tuesday, my mother and I were listening to the Thriller album on the home from Target...singing loud in the car, having the times of our lives. We listened to him on the way home from Long Island Sunday night. We listened to "Off The Wall", "Invincible", and "Dangerous". It just doesn't feel right or real. I honestly, don't know a world without Michael.

I know that sounds crazy coming from someone who has never met him or ever seen him in person (even though I almost did in 2001 at Virgin Records, too many people = too much for a 13 year old me) but Michael really shaped my early years and gave me so many memories to his music that I will never forget, ever. Memories with family -- I remember my brother being obsessed with trying to mimic Michael's moves, sliding on our old kitchen floor with our socks trying to spin and do the moonwalk, sliding in the hallways, watching the weekend Michael marathons on MTV with my brother, hearing stories from my father about Michael's concerts. So, so, so much this man has given me and my family.

It's just hard to grasp the fact that the world is forever missing it's King.

I'm privileged to own his entire discography...I'll never forget Him. And I can promise, my children will know Him, his music, and his message.