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moonchild
 lover.friend.daughter.sister.jewelry designer. student of life.creative.writer.cancer. native new yorker.residing in new jersey. Instagram
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Peace hoes (in the most loving manner<3) I added a poem I just wrote like 3 minutes ago lol. My first in basically, years! So basically in middle school and high school I wrote poetry and drew like I honestly had no life. It consumed about 80% of my time. However, with senior year in high school came change and that change meant a number of different things, one being the loss of my interest in writing poetry and focusing on my craft. As of late, I've been contemplating getting back into the art form -- I always felt I was most creative and flourished with endless ideas when I was writing or drawing. It's almost as if when I stopped writing, etc - I lost my desire to be that creative being that I used to love to be. Creativity is in my blood. My mother's father is a singer and a drummer; he's opened up for The Supremes, James Brown, and Little Richard back in his hay day. He still plays down in Florida with a big band and he just turned 81 last week. My father's father was a painter and also wrote (short stories, editorials) so creativity was no suprise when I started my love of music and art at the age of 2 & 3 (honey, I used to dance so hard to music, sing in my little tikes mic & radio like I was Mariah Carey, and draw pictures for the fridge whenever I could!). So, it's no coincidence that I feel slightly incomplete without the presence of writing and drawing in my current life. What I did a few minutes ago was look up my very first blog from 2003 - it was on BlogDrive and apparently, it doesn't exist anymore LMAO. I even found posts I made on the BlogDrive forum from December 2003 -- super freaky..... but anyways... I DID find my poetry site and like 7 poems that I had written. My favorite, thankfully, was on there..I've never copied it to paper so I was so relieved that I had finally found it. I'd like to share it with you all: SMOKE it dug deep with wounds open the smoke enlarged and the door kept closing and i was trapped in that room me and a blaze in bloom under the glaze of smoke suffocating and in his blood i was soaked my lungs gently tightened the fire quickly hightened and i soon became we if only i could see but the grey went on for days and for miles stood the haze but the feeling, the feeling was strange pleasure and pain a mosaic of two and oddly burnt off of you then i saw it that light of the culprit love the inevitable match only if the friction lacked i'd be free instead of in the 3rd degree. cntr0l © 2003-2009 What do you think? I LOVE YOU MATT GIRAUD! And for all you stank hoes out there who didn't vote for him and had him in the bottom three last week......DIE! Matt OWNS! <3 Here she is last night during the opening show of her "I Am.." tour...Yes, girl..Yes! Holy crap! I actually won an award for my blog! :dies I received a "Brilliant Blog" award from Miss Gina Marie over at Ree Sez Thank you, girl!  'This award is bestowed upon a fellow blogger whose blogs content or 1. I have an issue keeping my room clean. It's either obsessively clean or disgustingly filthy; clothes everywhere, empty bags, shoes all over, hamper overflowing months too long LOL, dust, make up on my dresser...it's gross. But I do clean it - I just have to be in the RIGHT mood to do it. 2. I go to sleep listening to "baby making" music. LMAO. I don't know why I just do. In middle school I burned out 5 copies of "Survivor" because I slept to "Dangerously In Love". Before that it was, "Anything" and "Anytime Anyplace". Now, well, I have a whole slew of different tracks but it has to be "bm". Last night was, "Love Scene" - and my dreams aren't sexually explicit either..they're usually weird and stupid...lmao. Go figure. 3. I love dimmed lights. I rarely ever have the ceiling light on in my room - it's either my desk lamp, one of the wall lights over my window seat or the white lights I have placed behind my dresser and my bed that, if I don't say so myself...give great effect to my room lol. "Passion's Lounge" as I call it. ha ha. 4. They call me Passion. 5. I burp really loud and obnoxiously and I don't care. I believe it comes from having three older brothers but really though, I'd rather it come from my mouth, no? & NO, I don't do it publicly LMAO. Only if I'm around people I know extremely well. It may not be cute but I don't try to be cute. So.... Whatev. ha ha. 6. I love alcohol. Yeah... 7. I am addicted to my sidekick. However, I would give it up in a heartbeat for a sexy, new Blackberry. hint hint. 8. Music is literally, my life. It's on 24/7, I used to write it and come up with melodies (college has since deteriorated my life, my motivation and the amount of time I have in my life to do this lol) and if it's not on - I'm a bitch. Point blank. lol. I have to hear something cause once it's silent in a conversation I want to hear something else that I can think about or sing, etc. I need constant auditory stimulation. 9. I've had pneumonia FIVE times and I'm almost completely immune to penicillins and amoxicillins. My last bought with it was...10 years ago, I was in 5th grade. Supposedly, I have asmtha because of it but I haven't used an inhaler since about 7th or 8th grade. 10. I work at the YMCA..and I'm not so fond of children. Problem? LMAO You tell me what YOU think of these lyrics, hahaha. That's it... would you mind? mhm.. Would you? Baby, would you mind touching me
Ever so slowly? You're making me quiver and.. Baby would you mind undressing me Making me feel sexy..oh While in the moment? Cause I'm gonna Bathe you, play with you, rub you, caress you Tell how much I've missed you, yeah I just wanna Touch you, tease you, lick you, please you Love you, hold you make love to you And i'm gonna Kiss you, suck you, taste you, ride you Feel you deep inside me ooh I just wanna Kiss you, suck you, taste you, ride you Feel you, make you come too I wanna make you come... Baby would you mind kissing me... All over my body..? You missed a spot there..ooh. Baby would you mind tasting me..? It's making me all juicy, Feeling your lips on mine Cause i'm gonna Bathe you, play with you, rub you, caress you Tell how much i've missed you I missed you.. I just wanna Touch you, tease you, lick you, please you Love you, hold you make love to you And i'm gonna Kiss you, suck you, taste you, ride you Feel you deep inside me ooh I wanna feel you.. I just wanna Kiss you, suck you, taste you, ride you Feel you, make you come too Are you ready? Baby would you mind Come inside of me Letting your juices free Deep in my passion....? Is it good to you baby? Cause i'm gonna Bathe you, play with you, rub you, caress you Tell how much i've missed you I missed you.. I just wanna Touch you, tease you, lick you, please you Love you, hold you make love to you And i'm gonna Kiss you, suck you, taste you, ride you Feel you deep inside me ooh I just wanna Kiss you, suck you, taste you, ride you Feel you, make you come too Oh baby..would you mind? ..yeah. I just wanna Touch you, tease you, lick you, Right there.. please you Love you, hold you make love to you And i'm gonna Kiss you, suck you, taste you, ride you Feel you deep inside me ooh I just wanna Kiss you, suck you, taste you, ride you Feel you, make you come too Do you like it baby? Oh.. Just like that.. Don't move.. ..go deeper. oh..the song ended! what the- I didn't even get to come! Did you?? We all have something we want to say to someone. Maybe it’s someone in your life now. Or, maybe it is something you wish you said to someone who is no longer in your life. It could even be Mr./Ms. Random Person that you saw in the local coffee shop today. What do you want to say that you were never able to?You can leave the person(s) identity anonymous, if you’d like. Feel free to feature more than one person. Do it in letter form or any form you prefer. Show us that creativity! - I have a problem with coming off cold-hearted and sometimes, too straight-foward towards you. I feel you deserve it and then randomly I want your attention all over again. It's as if I think you will come to understand what it is I really need or want from you but at the same time, knowing you never will. I have a hard time grasping the fact that though we may have feelings for each other, we will never work.
- You're a breath of fresh air to me. Although you probably have no idea how I feel and that you are the reason for the pressure in my heart, I don't really care. I only pray that you see and come to feel the same way because around you, I'm so comfortable being who I really am. - I wish I could live up to your expectations. I wish I could make you proud and do everything that I am supposed to be doing -- according to your standards. Unfortunately, I have no idea how or what my life is to be yet. I have issues with looking too far ahead and I struggle with seeing the present. Because of that, my attempt to make you happy is going down the drain. I may be a collegiate let down and struggling in my studies but I know I'm going through this for a reason and I know I will overcome it all tenfold one day. - I'm mad you turned out to be someone both us hated as children and young teenagers. Your life is worthless and you're vision of the world is so misconstrued. You do crack cocaine now and believe you need to lie about who you are to everyone just because you believe they will like you better. When really, people are looking at you like you are completely insane. I believed we were going to get married together, have families together, and be friends for life. I guess they weren't lying when they said even the best of friends turn out to be different people. And I am mad that it came down to my finding out that you tried to hook up with my boyfriend for me to figure out that we were different people. I am mad that my being there 24/7 when you were dealing with a loss, meant nothing to you. No matter what though, I pray for you. - I treasure your friendship. Though we seem to argue a lot, we have a great deal in common and ultimately that is why we get along. You treat me like a sister, even though, sometimes I know you hate that our relationship never became anything more. I do want to apologize for flipping out on you though, when you did make that move. I was scared - scared that your attempt would forever effect our friendship. You see, I think highly of you and respect your intelligence and when someone I ultimately look at as a "brother" makes a move, I admit, I get a bit offended. You know I don't keep many in my circle and those who are in don't look at me in that light and I make sure of it. For whatever reason I can't deal with that in the back of my mind. However, I thank you for staying true to the person you are and continuing to be an amazing friend and an amazing source of advice. You're going to make it one of these days and I'll be right there with you whenever you need me! :) ...that's it for now. lol. --Before you read on just know that I am warning you now, this post is super personal LOL. But I don't give a damn just don't say I didn't warn you. Ok good. Anywho, it's been exactly 7 months to the DAY since it was present in my love life. Seven! SMH. And I'm a Janet Jackson fan..so you know I'm dying inside a little as each month passes and this dry spell becomes a DROUGHT! (For those who don't get that Janet reference, all you need to do is listen to "That's The Way Love Goes", "If", "Anytime, Anyplace", "Rope Burn", "Anything", "Would You Mind", etc and realize half the structure of a relationship between Janet & the fan LOL!) Now, I don't mind not getting it. Hell, I don't ever go there unless things are legit but DAMN! Where is the legitimacy around here? Where?! Let me know because the MapQuest in my life is broken. See I am the type of person that is completely analytical of the guys I even consider, let alone go there with. Wait, let me retract that; guys(2). There. Anywho, as I was saying... I have to see them in a certain light. For instance, there has to be some kind of challenge, attractive of course, good conversation, and has to have a potentially bright future. I'm not one of those who just get into things for the pleasure of it all. I don't feel I should waste my time. Shit, maybe it'll change if I'm 27 and still single. LMAO. Who knows. As for now, I feel I deserve everything I ask for -- not trying to sound over-demanding but I only demand the basics. I don't think it is necessarily difficult for a guy to have a challenge about him, be attractive, be smart, and to be focused. Say that last sentence outloud. I just did and realized, "You dumbass..if it wasn't difficult you wouldn't be in this DAMNED situation!" Sigh. So it seems that it wouldn't be that difficult. Clearly, it is but...I have high hopes for that special guy. I may have already found him..I'm not sure yet. But I do have my eye/mind on one person in particular. I doubt anything will come to fruition anytime soon but I do hope because he is one of a kind. My problem is whether or not he's even at a point in his life where he could be with someone. How do you find that out? I keep my distance with certain things -- we're not nearly in the vicinity of discussing such topics. As of now, I am just being a friend. I hate that but shit, I have no choice. lol. I think he finds me interesting...I know he doesn't know that I think of him the way that I do but...ugh it's all so confusing. Especially during times such as now, when I am totally overwhelmed by this lack of satiation. It makes me wanna just call him up and give it all away - however, I know that's the furthest from the right way to do this haha. I am not that crazy. I also think my past situation left me like this. His unability to satisfy was half the reason we no longer co-exist and I pray that none of you guys out there have to deal with anything remotely similar to that. Trust me. It is SO irritating and will make you want to give up in a heart beat. LOL. So here I am, still unsatisfied and single because I have such a complex of who I need to find. Maybe I will attempt to further things along and try to find out more and more about where he and I are headed....if anywhere. Sigh. Love. what the hell! haha. ttyl
came home from the hospital this weekend and we're over here in Staten Island at the house now. I just held her -- isn't she precious?! She's the first girl in our family in 18 years! Justin Timberlake is looking to get you in a party mood. The 28-year-old pop singer-songwriter, record producer, dancer and actor is now gonna sell his own brand of tequila. The young entrepreneur has named his tequila 901. The digits happen to be the area code for JT's hometown, Memphis. He's been working on the liquor for two years. It will be sold starting in early May in New York, Los Angeles, Las Vegas and St. Louis. Hey girl hey. I am TOO excited. I was so upset I passed up his concert and later found out that he had BARS everywhere in the audience selling liquor. Me & Justin would've had a BLAST. I'm bringin sexydrunklove back. yeah. ...Cause I just got the cutest clutch for the best price in the WORLD.  THIS! For $4.99 brought down from $32.50. I am way tired and have to get up early but I HAD to post this. I was so proud of myself. haha. I have plans tonight and needed a clutch my old one, that I've been using for 3 years now needs to GO! It has seen it's glory days so here's my new one. And for WHAT A PRICE! :dies
It's rather big, not like a normal clutch..but.....I like things big. wink wink I had to. LMAO. Anyways.. that is all haha. Have a great Friday night everybody! <3 Listen to the lyrics. What do you think?  Meet Pearl the cat. She's 2 years old all black with a white dot on her chest. She's super fly and she knows it. She rocks a black studded up collar with like, 8 diamonds. She holds grudges hard but if you feed her, she quickly forgets everything. She wasn't always my friend. You see, my brother moved back home and brought her with him when she was only 6 months old. She only roamed his room. She was always so scared to explore the rest of the house. That is, until he got a new girlfriend and she's allergic to cats so when she'd come by, Pearl the cat would have to be quarantined -- to my room. She still holds that grudge against him. However, it worked out for me because now we're homegirls. She knows I have her back and is now, pretty much, my cat. I feed her, I brush her, as of late -- been buying her food...smh@ my brother. But yeah, she sleeps on my bed when my brothers couch in his room is full of clothes, comes into my bed in the morning, wakes me up, sits with me in my room when I'm doing work, etc. We chill hard. I like her. She has a lot of attitude and sass. She'll sit on the pillow next to your head and rub her tail all over your face just because she can. She sits infront of the fence in the kitchen that keeps Max the dog from roaming the entire house and taunt him. Just because. She'll purposefully drink out of Max the dog's water bowl because she knows he hates that but won't do anything about it. If she was in high school, she'd be the type of girl you wanna beat up. But she's not, she's a cat and she can get away with it -- and she knows it! Here's some pictures of her lounging in my budoir:    CAUGHT!  She has an eating problem -- she always wants to eat but doesn't do nearly as much exercise as she should so she's on a diet. But as you can see...she hates the diet and doesn't think anyone will notice if she knocks the bag of food over for some extra grub. Sneaky, sneaky, Pearl.That's Pearl. Maybe Max will be next but I just had these pictures from two nights ago so I figured I'd put em' up lol. For that special person who cheered me up all day. Even though you may not know it, I appreciate you. You care unconditionally, despite my moods or my quirks & it makes all the difference. <3 2 hrs ago from a pretty fun night with friends and now I'm here in the empty house, all alone and my heart literally, hurts. Its a if it has sunken into my chest and is slumped against my breast bone in anguish or from pure exhaustion. I'm not sad or depressed...I'm lonely. This emptiness filled my Facebook status and an old friend of mine commented, "sounds like someone needs to hit the dating scene.." They heard right. I know I do. Its just so difficult for me. I worked so hard over the past year and a half on myself and attempting to turn my collegiate career around and into a brighter direction. I'm not one for multi-tasking, trust me. I withdrew from a semester because of my mental anguish last year (along with an illness but nonetheless, mental anguish) and ended up taking one summer class and finally changing my major this January. There was no way I was going to fix me AND worry about where my education was going. My brain and my thoughts were just too misguided and misconstrued for me to function. And as a result, my "love life" has been nonexistent. I don't rensent what I did...it was a smart choice on my behalf but now..my heart is just extremely empty. I apologize for using the word "empty" so repetitively but there's no better choice of wording for what I feel. So much has changed in my life and I suppose I'm at that point where I "need" somebody else there with me. I quote need only because for me, when you "want" someone, there's usually only one thing you're remotely interested in getting from that person. It can be material, physical, etc. But it usually only one thing that happens to be the straw that breaks the camel's back in the end. I say "need" in the sense that, we as humans need food to live and air to breathe. Me? Right now, I need a significant other. However, I hardly know where to start. I don't know HOW to date..I've never dated anyone before. Both my past boyfriends I talked to for a period of time and we just "were"...one day we were an item. It wasn't this process of going out and talking and experiencing things. It was basically like a promotion. Friends whom at one point became a couple. So what do I do? Especially in my condition! And...there's also the guard I hold. I must be honest and admit, although I may be strong in personal issues and complications surrounding me, when it comes to miseries of the heart I tend to- no, I basically pull this whole "I'm over it" tactic ASAP. The "I don't care" attitude. Though, a lot of the times I don't care...sometimes and as of latem frequently, find myself becoming overwhelmingly upset over things that I led others to believe meant nothing to me. I believe I'm afraid of showing that I hurt...because if I do that showcase will then make me vulnerable for some craziness to happen. I hate to bring this up NOW, so long after after everything has been said and done but I'm going to do it..and I don't care if he reads it - I hope he does because its the one time he will see what I feel about us. My last boyfriend, whom I've been broken up with for about 2&a half yrs now, and I ended on a bad note. Too many issues and too many other people were in our relationship. That fact, still irks the crap out of me. Anyways, we said our peace and are/were kind of friends - we still felt the need to hook-up whenever we infrequently hung out. We never hung out too much. I felt this odd feeling as if I owed it to him and myself..like we had unfinished business. And it popped in my head a few times that maybe we should get back together. Nothing was really wrong with our relationship but everyone who was in it. However, after we broke up for about 3 months...I had my "I don't care about anything" phase and I believe it further damaged our chances. I then always felt the need to never again, let him back in. And him with me. But I needed that. Though our circumstances, he was the only one I really trusted with certain things, even though he was for the most part, a complete mystery to me. I always and still do feel if I let my guard down..then everyone will know the truth and know that I lied..that I did and do care. Even now, I fear letting him know simple things like, "it hurt to know you found someone new...but I'm happy for you and wish you the best" And to know that -i love him, always will. I'm way past it all and no longer "in love" with him. But still ..I can type it here but say it to him or e-mail him? I can't. And I always thought it should've been said at one point for closure. But my pride & those walls around me..they stopped me from doing so. And that guard and those walls are what I'm afraid of letting down when meeting someone new. I so badly want someone to see me and not this nonchalant and cold-hearted person. Its not who I am. I'm such a caring and funny person...I don't want to block that all away. I want to embrace it...I just need help on how to appreciate sharing who I am with possible suitors openly, without the constant fear of being too kind or too gentle and facing reprecussions for it. Help...? Anyone..?  She finally got the cover of the newest issue of VOGUE Magazine. FINALLY! They hardly put entertainers on their cover until recently, let alone African American entertainers so this is a big deal. I know Jennifer Hudson finally got the cover in 2007 and Michelle Obama this year. Congratulations to my home girl, Beyonce! And for those of you who are fans, her tour dates for the US should be released soon - atleast I hope so. I plan to go see her at Madison Square Garden since I passed up the chance to see her on her last tour, The Beyonce Experience (I was in the Hamptons..lmao.) :marks VOGUE on shopping list Anyways, I saw the Wrestler last night and um...why didn't ANYONE tell me that most of the movie was filmed DOWN THE BLOCK FROM MY HOUSE?! Yeah, that's right...in my NEIGHBORHOOD. If you've seen it -- the legion he sold his paraphernalia at like two blocks from me, the bar - literally down the street (Butch Kowals), the rec center; again, like 4 blocks from me, the ACME he works at is like a town over about 10 minutes away, and the trailer park he lives in is like 5 minutes from my house. I was sitting there like..wait, that's here..that's..he was in my neighborhood...MA! THAT'S WHERE WE LIVE! My mom was like omg. I could've met Mickey Rourke! No mom I doubt that..but thats our town! lmao. It was so weird seeing that in the film..on the big screen and I drive by all those places just on my way to the school for work. So odd. Before the movies though, we went to Pho Ahn Dao the vietnamese restaurant in Edison, a new one we discovered that has the best Pho I've ever had. I had a bowl and a half. Mine and some of what my mother didn't finish. Ugh I cannot get enough of that stuff. The lady in there was like, "Oh youre back again! Take out isn't enough?" I was like damn.. lol they got me. I was like I can't help it -- I could eat this for the rest of my life. She started asking me if I was Vietnamese and I told her No, Filipino -- how'd you know I was asian? And then proceeded to be the third person that said I looked it because Caucasian and Asian mixed people are very beautiful and I was completely embarassed. My father laughed and my mother smiled. (My mother is the one with the Filipino). I said thanks, and continued to hover over my bowl. LOL. After that and the movie, I went to Rutgers for my friends birthday and lets just say..wack party. Weed heads, recklessly drunk people, and for whatever ever...kids from high school. Why my friend hangs out with ruthless 15 and 16 year olds I have no idea but everytime I go to a party and that age group is present I start feeling really old, like I shouldn't drink infront of them, and I get really pissed at how ignorant and rude they can be. So I left. LOL. I made my appearance and that was all that mattered. As for now, I have to finish the rest of these 11 cupcakes I just made. Toodles for now. |
