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moonchild
 lover.friend.daughter.sister.jewelry designer. student of life.creative.writer.cancer. native new yorker.residing in new jersey. Instagram
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002. How old are you? Eightteen. 003. What is the link to your website, blog, or myspace? this one... 004. Name? You already know.. 005. What do u think of our president? :BOOOOOOOOOO! 006. Whos ur fav comedian? I don't know.. 007. Fav internet service? I'm stealing my neighbors wireless :D 008. Fav tv channel? Um...VH1? I don't know.. 009. Fav radio station? 105.1 010. Posession u never leave without? My cellphone. 011. Person u can trust w/ anything? Ha...eh... 012. Friend u cant completely trust? Too many.. 013. Person u pretend to like or be friends w/? No one. 014. Fav nelly song? Dilemma..I guess. 015. Fav song? Too MANY! 016. Best slow song? Anytime, Anyplace / Lost Without U 017. Fav r&b song? Shut up!!! 018. Fav country song? Negative.. 019. Fav rap song? Uh..Juicy -BIG 020. Fav hip hop song? ugh.. 021. Fav punk/rock song? "Find A New Way" Young Love 022. Fav artist? Uh- Janet. Duh. 024. Fav 50 cent song? Um..No. 025. Fav eminem song? Again..No. 026. Fav simple plan song? I don't have one. 027. Fav jesse mccartney song? Boo. 028. Fav familiy member? Now that is wrong. 029. Dream pet? My dog Max, duh! He's my baby..though I would like an English Bulldog. 030. Family member u cant stand? Again...Wrong! 031. Best friends family member u cant stand? None. 032. Fav internet service? Didn't we cover this already? 033. Best cell service? VERIIIIIIIIIZON 034. How many exes do u have (need a number)? Three. 035. What do u believe bout god? God is good. 036. Would u ever consider that god is a woman? I dunno. 037. Least fav class? Math. Man...fuck numbers if they aren't on a paycheck. 038. Worst gift u ever received? A hat my aunt said Beyonce would wear. LIES!!! 039. Fav amusement park? Six Flags 040. Best place to buy something? Forever 21 041. Fav store? See above. 043. Fav place at the food court at mall? Chik-Fil-A! 044. Fav drink place at mall? Strawberry Smoothie from Haagen Daaz. 045. Person u could never take 2 to mall w/ u? Um... 046. Cracker or honky? What the hell... 047. Hot or humid? Give me both. 048. Hail or sleet? Sleet 049. Ice or rain? Rain 050. Station wagon or minivan? Mini Van 051. Freddy or jason? Fred 052. Place u never wanna visit? Jail. 053. If u could get married anywhere in the world and bill gates was payin where would u get married? Thailand. 054. Fav football team? GIANTSSSS 055. Least fav football team? THE EAGLES...crazy bitches.. 056. Color u hate? Yellow? I dunno.. 057. Something u would never wear? A leather catsuit..on anyday other than Halloween. 058. Something u would never eat or eat again? Tater Tots...ewwww 059. If u could eat something rare or exotic what would it be? Um...Brazilian Lobster 060. Would u befriend hannibal lector if he promised not 2 eat u? What the hell..no. 061. Name a person u would never wanna be in an elevator w/? Someone who smells. 062. Is this the best survey u ever took? No. 063. If no then y the hell r u still takin it? Boredom. 064. Fav movie u saw in theaters? DREAMGIRLSSSS! 065. Tutoring or failing? Failing...Yeah I know.. 066. Cp or honors? Honors 067. Dell or mac? Fuck Dell..OK? MAC! 068. Nextel or other? OTHER 069. Prepaid or pay as u go? PAYG 070. Razor or side kick? SIDEKICK FOR THE WIN BEETCHES! 071. Real world or gauntlet? Real World 072. Comedy or horror? Horror 073. Action or romace? Romance 074. Drama/ thriller or kid? Thriller 075. Fav comedy movie? Ever? Benchwarmers jut recently made me bust out laughing. & ELF! 076. Fav actor? Eddie Murphy, John Leguizamo, . 077. Fav actress? Julia Roberts, Cate Blanchett, Angela Basset 078. Brad or Vince? Vince 079. Angelina or Jen? Angelina 080. Tom or Usher? NONE 081. Depp or Bloom? Mm..Both. 082. Radcliffe or CMM? Chad 083. Fav horror movie? Seven, The Hole, Exorcist, The Abandoned..All those Horrorfest movies 084. Fav action movie? Sin City 085. Fav romance movie? THE NOTEBOOK! 086. Fav pointless movie? Anything with Will Ferrell, lol. 087. Something u will never get or achieve? Ew..that's mean. 088. Dream that will never come true? Screw you. All of them WILL! 089. Something u hope never happens to u? Serious Illness , Jail 090. Do u like the song Fly Away by Nelly? No 091. What color is ur fav pair of socks? White with a pink puma on them.lol 092. R u really a slob? Sometimes 093. What does ur school locker look like? I don't have a locker at college. 094. The teacher u cant stand? None. 095. Place u hate? Cemetery , Hospitals 096. Disney or six flags? Six Flags 097. Disney in CA or FL? FLORIIIDA 098. Queens or Bronx? My daddy was born in the Bronx 099. Place in NY u never wanna be at night alone? Central Park...shit is not cool! 100. Person u feel most protected around? My dad. 101. Person u feel would sell ur soul at walmart? Walmart buys souls? No wonder I don't go there. 102. Did this make u laugh at all? Um..NO! Maybe it was the chinese food or maybe it was just coming on itself..but ugh. I hate feeling this way. Oh well..what can you do. Good thing that came out of it was when my dad woke me up. He told me he got me tickets to see JOHN LEGEND!!! Y'know, my otherrr husband. I was so happy. <3 my daddy. You know what else? Growing Pains is that shit! I been watching almost every episode since they put it on Nick @ Nite on Monday. Love that show. I remember it used to be on Fox Family..like..8 years ago..wow..Damn. I didn't realize 1999 was that long ago. Anywho, that show is it. They have me dying. Oh, oh..see right now they're going to a live taping of the Cosby Show together. Ah...the 80's. I'm gonna keep watchin...ttyl. Song: Growing Pains Theme Song lmao. so it was valentines day yesterday. um, boo. i had a bad dream yesterday morning too. i was still w/ eddie and i was talking to him on the phone or something, and then some female came on the line talking to him saying "i'm waiting, eddie" and he was like "soon..I'll be there soon." Then started talking to me again. Like nothing happened. I woke up so mad. Then, my mother walked in and said there was a bunch of snow outside and I was quite happy I didn't have to go to classes. Woo! But ugh. Then I realized what day it was. Figures! But whatever, as long as it wasn't reality. Over it! So yeah, um Robin Thicke tickets @ Rutgers were sold out before my dude even got to the school. WTF! So my last hope is my mother's friends. I am PRAYING they can pull through on the complimentary tickets. LORD PLEASE!!! Speaking of tours..Janet hasn't released tour dates yet. BOOOOO! There are issues going on supposedly with promotors etc. I don't know but everything is so damn confusing. I don't know how she does it. At this point, I would've just said eff a tour, and took a couple years to myself. Shit been going on with her for awhile. A big, long break would be good for her I think. Then get a big plethora of promotions in a couple years to welcome her back. A BAM! Hit people over the head like PA DOW! Im Here. WHAT! Eh..I can dream LOL. Anywho, I should be doing my extra credit Health homework. Lord knows I want to get straight A's! Any extra credit, is good credit! I have to define a bunch of Psychological disorders... I bet I know a great deal about those... /ends sarcasm. I just hope that snow that were supposed to get tonight comes and class is cancelled again. LOL. I'm horrible I shouldnt be thinking that way.... Oh well. :D ttyl. Song: Promise Remix - Ciara feat. R. Kelly that is all. ttyl. song: shooter - robin thicke feat. lil wayne OK I'll be back..laterrr. omg it's 8:15 i need to hurry up and go out. somewhere..lol OH MY GOSSHHHHHH! I'm so effing EXCiTED! & My moms friend, her husband and daughter work at Rutgers (where he's going to be), so they are going to see if I can possibly meet him... :FAINTS: I heart Robin Thicke! Whooooooooooooooo!!! Right into my pillow. One of those stress relieving screams. You guys! I am so..I don't know the word..um, hopeless? Yeah I guess that'll do. I'm feeling sorry for myself! I feel so stupid for feeling the way I do..I mean, stupid because I brought my issue upon myself. I'm the one who asked for a "break"...Hell, I'm the one who thought it'd be good. I guess I lied. That, or I'm just blind and lonely. I don't know, but what I do know is that I miss sooo much. Most, from awhile back, but still. I miss him. I feel it was unfortunate for things to go the way they did, for everything to come down to this. But when I say and think all of that, I kind of feel like I'm making excuses for my own loneliness. Not to object my feelings oor anything but I get so confused when I find myself thinking about him and, yes, wanting to see him and be able to hug him and laugh with him, and think that, well, "Shannon, you did this to yourself, deal with it." Maybe I don't need a break? Maybe it was just something I needed to get over personally. Or maybe I'm just in a getting over process? I don't know! Shit, I'll take any advice I can get my dudes. OK! So PLEASSSSE. Let a btch know! ANYYTHIIIING! Sigh Why is this shit so hard? I'll never know. I'm only 18..I have a great deal to learn I guess.. :( Song: Goodbyes - Kelis As for me..it's been a crazy day. I'm going to take a nap...I'll be back to write laterr. Song: Glamorous - Fergie Flossy, flossy! But I just wanted to say, I went shopping todaaaay! Yessir. Today, I fulfilled my want for rings. So I bought like..5 or 6. They're really cute. Y'know it was always about necklaces and earrings for awhile, and it still is. Then it went to bangles, now there's a ring phenomenon starting and I think it's so cute. So I got some and LOVE them. Ugh I'm such a trend bitch sometimes. But! Leave it to me to buy the ones that were on their way out because no one wanted them. SO hey... I also bought new sunglasses. I was going to get these flashy aviators..but honey, no. Just no. I have a similar style of sunglasses that compliment the shape of my face better than aviators..so I got big black ones instead. They're cute. For driving though. I need dark shades..because the damn sun always sneaks up and blinds a bitch- - EVERY morning. What else did I get? Oh yeah a grey vintage tee with music notes all over it..and a pink vintage marilyn monroe tee. love it. ok anyways! i have to find a way to dry this black nail polish so I can go to sleeeep. ugh. c-l-a-s-s tomorrow. whoo. ill chat later maybe. toodles! Song: Smile - Lily Allen  Look at me. Doing homework! What! Save this picture OK? I can't stand this grade school bullshit. I feel like I am in 5th grade with this elementary math homework. I'm supposed to be in college and I'm getting this? Whatever! I'm into reports and papers- shit like that. Yeah! I said it, I like writing papers, etc. Not this math language. <---- To the left math! TO THE LEFT!
I'm so not finishing it..it is too late and I'm tired..I'll do it when I wake up. Today is my mother's birthdaaay. Yeah Yeah. My dad is taking her to Atlantic City for two days. So I have thee house to MYSELF! Heey. They're leaving at 1 PM. But I won't be home from class til' 5 so boo! I'm probably going to be napping when I get home anyways.Oh well. I'll chat later today.
im gone!
Song: Lost Without You - Robin Thicke my loverrrr. http://img329.imageshack.us/img329/2686/walls001ha2.jpg http://img329.imageshack.us/img329/6550/walls002fx6.jpg http://img172.imageshack.us/img172/1362/walls003dt4.jpg http://img172.imageshack.us/img172/3632/walls004ya2.jpg And this one I did last night after I bought the new V Magazine. =) http://img260.imageshack.us/img260/9012/walls005qr8.jpg It's a lot of fun..call me corny but when you just want to stay home for a change..put on some music (or music videos, like I did) and just chill out and be creative, it's really relaxing. Oh well. That's all for today though..I'm going back downstairs to eat more bad food. haha. Ciao! Song: Piece of My Heart - Janis Joplin DRIVER OF THE YEAR AWARD GOES TO: SHANNON & THE BLACK HONDA CIVIC! Thank you, thank you. But seriously though. ALL THAT, and THERE WERE NO PARTIES! WHAT THE FUCK!! I was done by then..I was so through with it. I mean i did drink two cups of THE CAPTAIN and half of Lisas bottle...But still I wanted to get my dance on. Don't they know??? I JUST WANNA DANCE!!!! Is that too much to ask? All that gas I wasted and I walked around in 20 degree weather with my friends looking for parties..? Not cuuute! not cute at all! My legs and my behind were numb..my jeans mustve been too tight..I couldnt feel my fingers. it was horrible. Ok not horrible..I mean, leave it to me to run down the street singing the "Dreamgirls" songs. (So I kinda had to make my own fun, but for real though, I went there to be entertained. I turned out to be the entertainment) Ugh whatever! Atleast my friends enjoyed seeing me, i enjoyed seeing them. It was weird though..being there and not being able to walk to my own room and what not..lol Okay, over it. SuperBowl tomorrow...whoo hoo. Another boring ass halftime show. Then again who knows, I heard Beyonce is coming out with Prince. Tired! But whatever. If he doesn't, still, tired! What is he going to perform? "Purple Rain"? "Let's Go Crazy"? Like ALWAYS...UGH! PERFORM "LITTLE RED CORVETTE" DAMNIT! I hope somebody is provacative tomorrow. I don't care what anyone says...but everybody KNOWS they watched them halftime shows because of the envelope pushing or the relevance of whoever is gonna be there. shit i dont know about YOU guys..but I'd rather see naked body parts than fall asleep to a Beatle, see the skeleton of a rock and roll artist from 1900, or watch a little man moan. Wait, if he moans in that microphone..I'ma be pissed! You better believe if there is some sexual activity going on in the halftime or whenever..I'm emailing somebody. Because no one is getting away with that after they want to do Janet wrong for bumpin and grindin with "white priveledged" Justin Timberlake and for him exposing her breast. Alriiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight. Shoot! Atleast her show was WATCHABLE. Atleast it had everyone in my house saying, "Oh wow did you see that?" As opposed to what Mick Jagger got in my house, "Can you turn to see what's on NBC..?" Yeah. I'll choose a boob for $500 Pat! OK enough for me. I'm taking it DOWWWN. Toodles. Song: I Get Lonely - JANET! Tomorrow, Renata wants me to go to a male review with her. HaHa. & You know with my status and boredom, I'll probably go. I have no problem looking at sexy men...I mean, they better be sexy...shit. I'll be mad. So if I do go, I'll let you know all about it. lol. Right now I'm sitting in bed awaiting 1:30 so I can drive to class for 2. State & Local Govt. [sarcasm] Yaay. [/ends sarcasm]. & Ugh I have to start going to Math Lab to complete my hours. I received the least amount of hours out of everyone...I still don't understand why I'm in this stupid people class. I only have 4 hours to do. That's 2 hours a day that is allowed. Everyone else has 12+ hours. And this is like..adding, subtracting, multiplication, fractions (which is the part that got me 4 hours in the first place) etc. That's only because I haven't messed with fractions since the beginning of Junior year, OK! & Don't lie! Multiplying and dividing fractions is a pain in the ASS! I'm an artiiiist! Which means the right side of my brain that deals with problems and equations and shit like that, isn't too swift. I'm a left brainer. I like words and colors- shit like that. :listens: OK so my stomach just cursed me out. I have to go make my starving self something to eat. lol I'll talk to you folks laterrrrr. Song: Take Care - Janet, duh! I like her first single, "Thinkin' About You". I'm guessing, from what I am hearing it's about how this girl is in love with this guy he takes up most of her thoughts, but she also feels that he's moving away from her, that he really doesn't need her in his life at this point in time; like she wants him to move on in his life and do his thing. But the catch, she says she'll be thinking about him, she's going to take him (the thought of him) whereever she goes, and she asks him to do the same. Basically, we're moving on, but never forget me. It's a nice song, and the video is quite creative. +++ from me! Other than that...some songs are good...some are sleepers. Let me stop lying...most are sleepers. *snore. Next ---> Anyways..what did I do today? Just classes. Pysch and State & Local Govt. But yo, tell me why I was driving home from my last class and I had to take this long way because a pole fell down on one street-all these emergcy police and firefighters..whatever. Big mess.. So I was in Woodbridge and I got on Route 9 and drove to Perth Amboy and went home a different way, and I get on this bridge to go into Perth Amboy from Route 9 and I needed gas to begin with, but my stupid friggin' ass decided to wait til I was closer to home. On top of that, my matinence required light has always been on it went from green, to yellow, to orange and it's been orange for a good while. Well! On my way, that shit decided to turn RED! OK! My heart fell out of my ass...I'm going over this bridge and my speedometer says I'm going 60 mph and I don't feel like I'm going anywhere..my car felt really light. So I was praying like a Muslim @ prayer time.. omg. I kept saying, "Please dont stop on the bridge, please please pleaseeee!" LOL. So I get on the main road and I'm driving, blah blah, and I see all these gas stations and I pass them, ALL! Y'know I may be on the brink of breaking down with no gas, but I'm cheap..everywhere said $1.93 and I swore I'd find cheaper. I did. $1.91. Hahahaha. & I was fine from there. Minus all the asshole people who CANNOT drive, period. Seriously, how are you going to be in a area that's 45mph speed limit, and you are driving 30??? And if you been in my car with me, you know I have road rage like no other. I start cursing like a pirate and it's just not good. lol. I weave through streets and lanes like it's the race of my life. That's bad though...I have a speeding problem, but atleast I admit it. Oh well. lol. Well, I'm about to go read about the brain and nuerons, etc. for Pyschology tomorrow...[sarcasm] YAY! [/ends sarcasm] (fuck you, science!) i'm gone! Song: Sparks - Coldplay SO WHAT! I like this one better anyways. Color can brighten ANYONE'S day! So maybe I'm brightening yours. GET ME SO EXCITEDDD I'M HOT COME ON SO READY READY AND ILL OPEN MY SPOT FOR YOU ANYTIME THAT YOU WANT ME TO... LA LA LA LA Yeah I'm still on the So Excited tip...but um..if there's an issue..  HERE'S A TISSUE! Get over it! =) Everything's so right... Let's dip up out of here.. Long hair dont care! -Llyod feat. Weezy Baby..Please! Say the baby! Love him<3 =) But yo, listen up..I'm real mad. Why Janet's new myspace video messed up? Why? Psh- Anyways. I went shopping yesterday with motherrrrr. Yessir! Got some cute thingssss. Y'know just a couple of shirts, a black zip up (it's cute!) that has "Free Love" on the back, a sweater-type shirt with these designs on the front, I dunno it's good to wear with my black leggings. Woo! What else I get? Uhm..I was going to get this other zip up sweater thing but that mess was $20 and i was NOT worth a $20 bill, OK? Yeah, OK so I'm cheap but um... I HAVE NO JOB RIGHT NOW. If I was making a load of money, maybe I would've considered it, but um no, not right now. The newly re-fabulized Forever 21 stays my dwelling. Cheap clothes, cheap accessories, and if you take care of them THEY'LL LAST! So for all of those people complaining- "Oh, my shirts ripped, my necklace broke"- blah blah. Well maybe if you got the right size, washed it right, didn't walk into thorn bushes or roll down a hill in them, or wear the accessories in the jungle, or get them caught on nonsense objects because you can't walk right, THEN THERE WOULDN'T BE ANY COMPLAINTS! ALRIIIGHT? Nah let me stop, I know their shit is cheap. LMFAO. Forreal though, that store DOES get me mad sometimes. How come I go in the dressing rooms and see these XXL women, stealing the cute clothes in MY size. If you don't know me, I'm 5'3" and half..Smedium in shirts, size 1 or 2 in jeans // 27 in European sizes- and um..these bigger heffers are squeezing their junk in these clothes. Not cute ok. I have nothing against heavier people but you don't have to lie to yourself OK? Please. Crack is wack! In every sense! What-ever! OVER IT! So about my math class today. I'm in stupid ASS people math, OK? Like- really...the most retarted people are in this class and how I got in there? I haven't the slightest clue. I mean I know I'm special ed when it comes to math, but um HELLO! I am not that dumb. We did this group activity today where we worked on this assignment with another person and I had my girl Lashae with me and we're done before damn near everyone. We both wonder why we're in this class...so yeah- my professor starts calling on people to answer these problems (Mind you, this is addition, subtraction, standard form, multiplication, etc STUPID!) and one kid gets chosen to give the answer to this multiplication problem. WHY!..just WHY!? does he answer: 39,411012 WHAT?! let me spell out how he SAID that, ok?? He was like, thirty nine thousand, four hundred one hundred ten thousand twelve.........OK....WHAT THE FUCK!? Seriously, MY DUDE...SERIOUSLY. Go HOME! Me and Lashae were like...O M G! NO!!!!That was it! I was so through with it like Destiny's Child. OK? UGH! We were so insulted to be in such a class at that point. We did the work and sat there and looked at the wall. That shit was just NOT NECESSARY! No wonder America is named one of the dumbest countries in the WORLD. EDUCATON MY PEOPLE, GET IT!!!!!! :exhales: Sorry, but that shit pissed me off..really. Hmm.... I feel my indecisiveness kicking in...I think I want to change my layout again. Y'know this is giving a fall/autumn feeling and um - HATE IT! Spring and summer are my thing. Summer especially- *my birthday hint hint* So I guess I'm going to shut up now and go looking for a new layout. toodles my loves<3 Song: After Party - Koffee Brown TAKING IT BACKK! Yo! It's snowingggg! I'm happy about it right now, but I know come morning I am going to be MAD if it ain't melt by the time I want to go out! Alriiiiiiiight. Okay, I don't want to write anymore. Let me get back to watching this re-run of "I Love New York"..this crazy bitch! Ciao Ciao.. Song: Nice & Slow - Usher so i just got in about..two hours ago. me & steph went outt-took over new jersey. what! nah let me stop lying! we just went to the mall; we saw latif- he is a damn trip. telling us the drama that is going on in the high school; yknow, who is fighting this one because she is talking shit, who got jumped by somebodys cousins, and who is pregnant and what not. you know something, i thought that school was a mess last year when i was a senior but chiiiile! oh my goodness. them children are wild! they really out did everyone this year. but what-ever! so over it. after our mall excursion we went to PANERA BREAD our main spot. usually i get some soup and a sandwich but since my mother made some amazing chicken soup, i only had, well, more soup. i make no sense a lot of the times..but anyways. steph had this soda called "Fu Fu Berry" ..omg. FLY! it was so good. it went along with our crazy ass conversation about how G it would be when Hilary Clinton becomes President on the United States. Because You All KNOW She Will Be ! OK! We were saying how her inauguration ceremony is going to have rappers and shit...how when they introduce her the intrumental to B.I.G.'s "Notorious" will be playing in the background and a choir is going to sing, "No-No-Notorious!" and she's going to be standing there with her arms folded real hood-like. Ah! I was dying! We're stupid, we know but it was a fun conversation. then we picked up Steph's nephew from his friends house and we went to Elizabeth to get some cheap ass candy. Yeah, we're dumb! We drove all the way over there for candy but yo, let me tell you. Even though a man outside asked us if we had some rock, I got 5 packets of Cry Babys and two packets of Tongue Splashers- oh! and a Ring Pop for TWO DOLLARS! Craziness! My mouth kinda hurts now from eating two packets of those Cry Babys, but whatever! I haven't had those since I was like, 5 years old on my block in Staten Island. Memoriesssssss....! Then..we went to visit Steph's friend who looks like Lloyd. We decided after that to go bowling..but I was not prepared (I had pumps on, so I had to go home and get socks. You know I have to be cute..gosh!) Then we picked up her other friend from the train and went to some bootleg ass cosmic bowling in Edison where this bitch lady wnted us to pay $40 to play a game of bowling! BALLS! OK! No way in the real world, am I, Shannon Christine ****, paying $40. No, just not happening. Then somehow, it ended up being $30 and I only agreed to put $10 in and we were fine. Now, I don't bowl and I haven't in a long ass time..but! I kicked ass! Whooo! I had strike after strike, like nobodys business! But yeah, let me stop bragging about my luck! On to other things...right now I'm just in my room. I watched RENT with my cousins when I came home. Lord I haven't seen that movie in a minute. & I'm kind of...thinking about Eddie. I don't know why, but today he's been on my mind. I know he is having issues with his health and what not- which by the way, I still don't know what they are, but yeah, I don't know. The whole break-up didn't really affect me like everyone else thought it would because I kind of prepared myself for it, I guess to save-face. Just recently, the past day or so, he's been prominent in my mind; this worried and/or sympathetic feeling comes over me. I don't feel like I should feel bad, even though someone has told me they feel bad for him. Then again, that person was just meddling and being malicious with her words. (Kick rocks, please!) Everyone else just expected all of this, not this soon, but they all knew it was coming. Which I find horrible. It's terrible when all your friends have to tell you, "I can't believe you two are together.." or "It's not even like you guys are even remotely attracted to each other.." and I've gotten, "What do you want out of it? Because you're not happy." and the "Does he even like you?" They all hurt. Though those comments didn't decide my resulting action, they definately back up why I did finally just call it quits and ask for my space. But I'll admit, I miss that love and that connection. I live for it, I really do. Affection means the world to me. But I guess it just wasn't meant to be at this point in time. I felt a big void between us and I couldn't fill it...because it grew too wide. I did feel responsibilty for a great deal of it at first, then I pointed the finger..now I can understand why it was both of us and how the distance really came upon in a way, by itself. oh well... i'm just glad we are still talking a little. I know he probably doesn't even want to, though he says he understands what happened. I just feel he blames himself, too much. Despite the shit I've said, it is not all him like I stated before. Hopefully, the time will clear both of our heads and let us focus a little on ourselves for the time being. Afterall, you have to love & know yourself, in order to love & know someone else. That's it for me today ninjas! Stay up. ciao ciao! Song: Lost Without U - Robin Thicke, my husband; so jump off you ugly critters! sorry, but I just had to get that out of my system.. >_< what the fuck!? Yeah, yeah. I should have been reading my damn U.S. State and Local Gov't book..I gotta read Chapter One..which is like- psh. 20 damn pages. I really need to learn how to read and soak in what it is I'm looking at. I mean, yeah, it's kinda late to try and fix that..I'm already in college...egg on my face! & I want to know why in the world I took that class..do I care about New Jersey? No. Do I care that we're separated into districts and townships, blah blah. NO! But I have to go to a damn municipal meeting for a paper in the class. How am I gonna look walking into a public town meeting with all them old people 80 and over, trying to get laws passed so the speed limit is changed to 5 mph. :shakes head: over it!! ugh @ my stupid ass. it is 4am and I wonder why I can't get up to go to class. oh well..i'll deal with it like always do. y'know..I went through some of the past posts here and shiiiiiiiiiiiiit! things change SO much in such a short period of time. hmph. and i'm not just talking about the post beneath this, but way, way, back.. I don't think you guys can go back as far as I did. On my dashboard page where all my posts are...it dates back to June 2005. Like I had a life then..but goodness, it was an interesting read. & let me stop..I don't even have a life now. haha. - I really need a hobby of some sort.. I went through everything.. I already collected something, played softball, basketball, and gymnastics, was an art fien for a minute, wrote tremendously for two or three years, and i just started making collages, but since I'm back home I have stopped because there's no more room on my walls to tape them up. ha. Oh well, I'll find something to do with myself..I just recently have this feeling of....uselessness. My friends say it's because of breaking up with Eddie, but I have my reasons for not fully believing that. But, there is a new void in my life, I will admit that; a pretty big void..if you ask me. That's something new...something I need to learn to cope with; for now. I'll end this here... niiite bitches! Song: Last Night - Diddy feat. Keyshia Ghetto Cole! Yeah..I dunno...shit is s messed up lately and i really don't/didn't have much to say since October. Depressing right? Yes, I know. But what else is new with an 18 who transferred colleges and broke up with her boyfriend. I'll be the first to admit it. I am the worst at decision-making and knowing the difference between what I want and what I need. In the words of my secret passionate slutty lover, Cody: "Girl, Boo! --->" Yeah, thanks for your uplifting talks and shit and stuff. Anywho- This is a new year...and I've had this nonsense, tell-all blog since I don't know when...long enough, let's just say that. So, with that said it's time to switch it up. With all of these changes in my life, including cutting 9 inches of my hair..I'm going to start this shit off right. Nice, smooth, clean slate...and whoever the hell cares, will be able to read about it! So for the next couple of days or maybe tonight..I'll be changing/making a new layout and attempting to keep up with posts. Y'know, that is inbetween going to classes, finding a new job, and enrolling my "i'm lazy, all I want to do is sleep and eat when I'm bored" self, in a gym. ( & No I don't think I'm fat..I just need energy back in my life. Lorddd knows I'd love some evergy, cause only He knows there's been a big gap in my life...) So yeah, I'll shut up now. toodles, bitches! Song: "So Excited" - Janet. Don't act like you don't know! OK! Haha. Yes, tis' true. I have returned from the depths of the unknown. A great deal has changed in my life, so this entry is going to be rather lengthy. Prepare yourself in you are interested. :) So, where do I start? Well, first off..I am in college now. Yes, yes...I am a full-blown college girl at La Salle University, in the heart of North Philadelphia. Now, I know I was all gung-ho about this experience way back in March; La Salle was my first choice school, it is prestigious, and it is located in a city which is rather close to home; however, I am beginning to think I have made the wrong choice. Maybe, possibly, La Salle is not for me. Philly is a whole other world from what I am used to (openness and freedom to be myself). For some odd reason, I am myself and a great deal of people have something to say about that. It mostly has to do with me not being from Pennsylvania, or Southern New Jersey, instead I am from what folks here consider to be, the Crazy World of North Jersey where we talk funny and just do not give a shit. To top it off, they notice my Staten Island accent and know I am a New York recruit in Jersey. Which is bit of a taboo here..go figure. Now I have never experienced anyone having something to say about where I am from and it actually matter to them. Here though, it does. Who knows why, but it is the biggest annoyance ever. I do not feel comfortable and well, I miss home and do wish I was in the comfort of that Tri-State lifestyle I am so very used to. I mean, I do enjoy my classes--well, my Sociology class that is. It is probably the most intriguing class I have ever been in, and it stimulates your intellect without recognition. It will most likely be the only thing I miss from this place if I do finally decide to transfer elsewhere. And that is major change number one. Unfortunately, as you have read, it is not what I hoped and dreamed for but, who gets what they want right away and perfect, at that? And if you are saying to yourself, "I do." Give me a call/IM...I would like to hear from you. Now, my most favorite and most precious change would have to be Eddie. I have been very sly and apprehensive about mentioning him in previous entries prior. But, it was all in the chase. He would be the first to tell you, the chase was not an easy one, due to his circumstances. Luckily, all went well, he handled his and as I did for...hm, 11 months, I waited for him. He was my date for the Senior Prom, and the night was amazing. We had so much fun and it was, excluding all of the times before June that we just hung out, basically our first real outing together. He could not have been more perfect that night; though, he is already knowledgeable about my feelings from that night. In the later part of the month, we officially got together. Since then, I can happily reveal that no one else has made me feel the way he makes me feel. He attends Penn State. Unfortunately, he is 7 or something hours away his first year. It is hard, I will not lie, but for him, and for this, I have no problem enduring. I trust him, and he trusts me. I could not ask for anything more than that. No one can take your place, my love. Okay, it is currently 2:5o in the A.M. and I am exhausted. I will be sure to get back on this in the morning, since I do not have class until 2 P.M. Feels great to vent again... :) shannon <3 QUOTE OF THE DAY: "Lose you inhibition and let your inspiration set you free.." Janet Jackson - "Enjoy" Actually, I am about to go and take a nap after I write this, that is just how nonchalant and sappy my mood is. Don't get me wrong, I'm happy, it's just that these things are so confusing I just learn to look past them and do something I really like doing instead of reminding myself constantly. Sleep = Ectasy. Ok, Ok, maybe it's not that serious. But who doesn't like relaxing? Especially when you don't have work and you have to prepare yourself for the hectic weekend ahead of you! That's right people! My weekend will be jam packed! It's a Gamboa-ful weekend. (That's my grandparents last name and they're arriving in NJ from FL on Thursday.) Which means when Pop and Gram get here, it's skraight to the Aunt's house for dinner. Friday, again we're all going to see my younger cousin make her debut to the fam in "Les Miserables" at Union High School. My Aunt is always raving about her singing but no one else has ever heard her sing, so this shall be something to watch. Later on, we'll probably eat, again. Saturday, I'm waking up REAL REAL early to head over to Philly to "personally discover La Salle University" again. Then that night..we're all going to my Aunt's again..to eat and celebrate my Pop and younger cousin RJ's birthday. 76, and 7 year olds. How nice. Food, food, food. Sunday..I don't know..& Monday my grandparents are coming to OUR house for dinner. If you can't already tell, we are all about the edible stuff. My grandparents leave on Tuesday, and I won't see them til June 21st. They are coming back up especially for me to witness me graduate high school. Finally.. So yeah..that nap I was mentioning in the beginning? I'm going to go make it happen, I mean since, y'know..nothing else is happening with me. I'll talk to you all later -shannon <3 QUOTE OF THE DAY: Show me the world, and I'll give it to you. - ME! #2. Im getting straight A's this semester..for the FIRST time in my life. go figure my last year of high school i'd get straight A's. lol #3 i got my prom dress. and i looooves it.it's a very very light p!nk and it's strapless..now..i just need a date. lmao. but whatever..itll come along. he i should say. #4 i saw beyonce for the first time THIS year. lmao. i went to the nets game w/ chris and rose and her and jayz were there. very cool. like i havent seen the woman enough? AND #5...i've been very HAPPY. al this good stuff...and im spending time with my friends that i that i will soon depart from at the end of August.. I mean the year started off pretty bad..but I learned to use that, and turn it around and enforce some happiness into my life. i'm working on some other peo- things ...so hopefully they will go the same route as everything else..and the rest of the year will be something to remember. QUOTE OF THE DAY: Life is what you make it! -unknown guess what everybody. I got accepted to LA SALLE! Yes. Last Saturday on the train with Steph, My mom called and informed me that a BIG ENORMOUS envelope was in the mail from La Salle and I got accepted! The most prestigious and my #1 choice school that I picked out of all 6, and I got in! AH..shucks..im goin out ill bb to tell you more that happened this month. i had a dream last night a dream that danced for me and spoke to you a dream that symbolized and told the tale of all this time it and the poor boy between us was a charm a fake keepsake but it kept me far for you dont hide disguise or patronize to reach me you learn and earn treasures come and go pass through our lives like friends and foes i, i am the rock and the need i'm weathered and strong lonesome but i still sing a song the song you hear ringing through your mind ringing through your soul i'm the other half that can make you whole i'm the skip in your heartbeat the tingle down your spine the butterflies in your stomach and the daily thought that you can't escape i'm the one thing you cannot make wait welcome me love me embrace me if you don't see now then you'll never reach me anyhow for boy i am the one thing you don't have. joy. shannon<3 QUOTE OF THE DAY: Pale September...I wore time like a dress that year.. - Fiona Apple Anyways, last night all the pressures in my world hit the fan and I brokedown. It was pretty scary actually. I was just standing by the side of my bed and I was discussing some issues with Joe Bob** and with the help of the topic I became overwhelmed. I started to shake, my knees got weak, and tears just poured out of my eyes. I had absolutely no control of what was happening, and I just didn't know what to do but hit the floor and stay there. I think I cried there for a good two hours..just releasing everything and anything that I could possibly find within me that was causing all my stress. It was a really sad scene, I was a total mess, and well..I needed it. I needed that time to just let my emotions loose, and eventually cried myself to sleep. In a way, I do feel as if there has been weight taken off my shoulders, a lot of questions were answered and I realized a lot about myself. That I'm not in my own world anymore, and that I am no super human. Things will make or break me, and if I don't accept them they will in some way, shape, or form break me. My life is changing, I'm going to graduate, I'm going to college away from home, I'm learning to open up and look at myself in better ways, and I'm learning to trust..a lot more. Trust is an on-going issue with me. Bobby and I were talking about my situation and he told me what I refused to realize; I never let people in. As much as I know about myself and try to improve upon myself, I never realized that I unconsciously block any connections with people...besides with my best friends and such. And I didn't know what I was scared of...but it's hurt, betrayal, deception, and I guess I feel like I can face it, so I might as well not even get into situations where it can happen, because I think, well, that my time is too good for people. What a fucked up way to think, right? Well..it's been with me. I'm finally going to start complying to the factors that cause me to build up all of this. It's also the reason why, when I do give all me to someone, and just put myself out there...I can't handle it. It scares me, that vulnerability? Ugh..please! It's like being on a sinking ship in the middle of the ocean, and you see the life boats off in the distance coming to rescue you, but the more water you see in the boat makes you believe more and more that you're not going to make it; even though you see help is coming. It's all very scary, and very new to me...and I'm willing to change and learn how to cope. that's it for now.. shannon<3 QUOTE OF THE DAY: me, myself, and i is all i got in the end.. - beyonce ** = disguise name. *pops collar* Random..I know. But anyways..Ian asked me the other day if there's one thing I learned within the past 12 months that was really effective in my life..what would it be? Patience. I always thought of myself to be very impatient and want things when I want them and how I want them and I realize, if it's something worth a lot to me or has a lot of meaning I am the most willing person to wait. It's very odd, and kind of revolutional for me to actually realize this, but it's true and it's definately shown itself within the past 12 months. It's probably the story of my life from this past year and present day. Go figure..& I thought I was the most impatient human being ever. Ha. I guess I have a lot of it too since it's been a constant nowadays...& y'know what they say.."Patience is a virtue". Ah, I'm proud to say I've gained a virtuous (really do not feel like finding out whether or not that is a real word) lesson! OK i'm real tired. peace out girl scouts <3 shannon QUOTE OF THE DAY- "I promise, I'll be worth the wait." - Janet So where do I start..lol. Well, Friday I worked from 3-7. How boring. Um..I went out with friends afterwards...to Cranford to the best cafe ever.. Rockn Joes. Can't say much more about that night..Saturday I woke up at 1..cleaned til about 5 lol then showered, curled my hair for the first time since the spring..lol and decided to go out to eat in the city with my parents and their friends. We ate at the Palm across the street fro the Gershwin Theater..yknow..where they used to have Cats at. It was reaally nice..lmao..the bill was $650 but since my dads friend knew the owner we got half off. The best steak I ever ate and the BEST Raspberry sorbet EVER. Sunday..I woke up at 1:30 and about and hour later Mercwedes called me to go out with her to Clifton, Wllowbrook..etc. So i went. Did what we had to do went to Rockn Joes again..and then came out at 7:30. Oh I watched Flashdance for the first time that night. What an awesome movie..sometimes I wish I danced when I was little..I was in dance class for like a week but I was too shy and wouldnt let go of my mothers leg so she took me out and eventually put me in gymnastics. But yeah the dancing in that movie is off the chain..of course out-dated a bit being the movie came out in the 80's but still hott nonetheless. SHE'S A MANIAC, MANIAC....on the floooor! Just great. This week is finals..I just fnished my last one today. I got home at 10 since I only had to take a math final. Yesterday i took my pysch final and art final..what a joke those were. Pysch was like, the easiest test I ever took in that class. I was real mad that it was that simple. And art..if you paid attention and wrote down her notes from friday, you aced it. Because all it was, was fill in the blank and 5 short answer questions. Then yowe had to draw a portrait of ourselves on the last page. It was kinda easy..the only difficulty was the fact i has my hair lookin like Farah Fosset so I had to be a bit tedious on my hair but since i drew my face before for the charcoal drawing it was easy. Now I have off on Wednesday bc its make up day and wel..no one goes to school if they didnt mis a final so yeah DAY OFF FOR ME! Thursday we go to all of our new classes...I have English first block, Web Design, and Gym..altogether now...EASY! & I get out earlier because i have C lunch and dont necessarily have to go to C lunch..so I can leave at 1230. OH DID I MENTION???!?! I GOT ACCEPTED TO RIDER UNIVERSITY TODAY! Not my first choice of schools, but nonetheless great that I did get accepted being I was real worried about my grades and what not..& I'm glad they gave me a chance. Bless their hearts. I'm real excited. I'm not making any decisions yet I have four more schools to go so yeah we'll see. Right now I have to go eat dinner..so I'll ttyl. <3 shannon quote of the day: the one is love. -janet Things get to me...so i'm currently trying to just let things flow by their own damn selves. I honestly haven't the energy to be so vulnerable anymore. You know when you'd just do anything and everything for something, and it just doesn't happen..and you want to give up, and you just can't? Well that's me. And I've come to the liberating conclusion that..Vulnerablity is a ho. It goes around and around..but most of the time gets you nothing but more personal problems. So..I tried to get what I wanted..i tried..more like put myself out there open to the free world. I really don't have much to prove, I am who I am so I realize being so open isn't the right mode of acceleration for the situation. I'm just going to have to be recognized for what and who I am; and how I may..possibly be someone worth something. Until that is all realized and put into perspective..I have needs. Which will be taken care of. Speaking of which..I should be on the phone right now. So i'll catch you girl scouts later. shannon<3 QUOTE OF THE DAY: I'd rather grow old and alone then to ever have another lover. -janet how can something so good feel so right and still feel wrong? what do u see in her that aint in me what does she do that i cant see and is this all makebelieve? fansty and imagination selfishness and idealation could it be that we arent what we're meant to be and am i just too blind to see that you and me will never be or is it you whos scared to tell a secret that you hide so well do you want the same as i and want to give it all a try or am i just dreaming again that you'd take my heart to mend ill close my eyes and see your face lick my lips your spirit ill taste and continue this dream so atleast my imagination wont go to waste. QUOTE OF THE DAY: time enjoyed wasting, is not wasted at all. -john lennon So that is totally erased and repressed from my mind. It's not my loss. :) Now I have to go continue to chase my nephew around the house! <3 QUOTE OF THE DAY: "I'm out like a fat kid in a dodgeball game!" - Anthony 2nd block Art. lmao.
i'm officially distant from the "at home" situation. i dont wanna know or hear about it anymore. and well i think i did more school work in this week than i've done in the past 3 and a half years of high school. I had a Mental retardation,Giftedness, and Autism report to do..got a 98. I had artwork to semi-complete (it's a life sized portrait of myself on a stool) and then I had ONE day to do a poster on CHILD DEVELOPMENT using my own pictures, and a research paper on Gender Roles. Now I am finishing up a report on Child Observation and blah blah. So stupid. My pyschology teacher is like..crazy. The end of the semester is next week, and she must think she HAS to give us all this work for some odd reason..and in all honesty, I love waiting til last minute. I work well under pressure..hence the 98 I got on that essay I did 5 hours before school. LOL. and this weekend..hasn't been anything exciting Friday I was wayy to beat and tired to go do anything spectacular. So ian just came over..around..hell i dont even know all i know is he left at 4:30. Yesterday? I worked from 12-7..supposed to be til 9 but its sooooo dead and Tie jus said i could leave if i wanted. So I went home ate..was supposed to go get coffe w/ mercedes..but she decided to be beat and not leave her house.. so i went home watched Issac (my new favorite obsession that ill get into later) and then i went out around1 with ian since he was at his aunts house w. family and we went to eat at menlo park diner. and today. today i was soooo tired. didnt help i got home at 5 and had to be at work at 11...so i woke up at 9:30 and omg..work was just so pointless. no one was there...we didnt sell til 12:30 and i ended up leaving at 3. now im sittin home. everyone is going to abyss and this kid steve asked me to go and ugh...i really dislike abyss. been there twice and there are just too many dirtbags there..three quarters of the people cannot dance. and its teen night. wtf. what is so fun about a teen night? all it usually is is a bunch of 13 year olds who swear they are 18 and try to buy drinks all night when HELLO..they aint selling any. that is just too beat for me. i mean might as well go to one51 or the coliseum. i know one bouncer at the coliseum and two at one51..so why even ask me to go to a teen night. ???? ANYWAYS, on to my new obsession. "Issac" on the STYLE network. If he isn't the best thing since sliced bread..then omg i dunno what is. He is HILARIOUS! Ugh I love him to death. He has some of the best guests on, and he's just so random. Like, you know how most hosts have to be professional, they read off cue cards and are directed where to stand and sit and blah blah blah. Well, not Issac..he runs all over his set, he does what he pleases, and hes so..its just funny how real and down to earth he is. Like, he knows hes doing a show, but it makes you feel real comfortable seeing how random and kind of unorganized he is. Oh , it's great. That show really enlightens me. Which is probably why the link to his part of the STYLE Newtork site is www.haveabetterday.com ! lol. You guys should definately watch him..on STYLE at 7PM and 11PM everyday. I'm about to go..my phone is telling me to "Check on it tonight"...lol ttyl. QUOTE OF THE DAY: "Delicious coffee anyone?" -Issac! everything is just wrong. my family, school,...everything. y'know i'm really glad i have work and the few people i hang out with. honestly, if it wasn't for those two things i'd be insane by now. i've already written about whats going on in my house with my brother..and it's only gotten worse. and ...ugh..i've witnessed it before, but right now it hurt even more to watch. i just wanna lock myself in my room sometimes and just..cry and cry and cry. its killing me. and with all of this going on i start thinking about other things..and they make me upset. sometimes i dont even know why im crying. its really too much. i really did not picture this year starting like this. its so unfortunate, it really is. it's not like i'm not trying to be optmistic either. i am. i'm trying to encourage myself every single day to pick myself up and go on because I can only be rewarded by taking care of myself and doing the right things. staying out of everyone elses business and focusing on me. which brings up another thing..i get these feelings of guilt that maybe i focus on myself too much. when i know i shouldnt be thinking that way;i should always come first to me. but its like, maybe i'm shutting people out because of this... see..i hate when i get upset about things..they make me think about other things a lot harder than i should and i get these thoughts out of left field, that are just so bizarre. i just can't help it. my friend Ian came over last night..and he talked to me about all of this, but first and foremost he let me vent. which kinda eased a lot things. but it was nice having someone who doesnt give me a big loud "sigh" when i bring something up that follows with a rant. i dont have many ppl who i can just straight out vent to. which is also another thing that i thought about and is very discouraging..but then just knowing he allowed me to do that encouraged me to just keep my head up. But..God..it all hurts so, so bad. and i hate to admit it but I'm scared..the whole situation scares me to death. i know i can only chose t grow from this, or to wallow in dispair. i want to grow from it, and i want to learn and make it positive. it is just so hard and confusing. you guys reading this probably think im out of my damn mind or something; not that i care..everyone needs to rant. and i know we all get confused and upset.. i just wish i knew a way this time to get through it.. shannon<3 QUOTE OF THE DAY: "I'm living, so I'm grateful.." <3 shannon QUOTE OF THE DAY: "You must be the change you wish to see in the world." -Ghandi you better believe i was doin the dances last friday at work. yess. lol and everyone is all like oo she can work it..blah blah she so good. yeah yeah..now they like her..haters. atleast people are seeing the light. anywho..what a week..so far! i been working since last thursday..YES! they got me slaving. besides for yesterday i called out sick. how triflin is this: i called not one, but three times. my shift was 4-8. i called at 11, 12:30, and 2.no one picked up. then i called like four times between 3 and 4 and no one picked up again..i finally called at 5 and they picked up and i got brian on the phone..why he gonna tell me why u didnt call us earlier? UM I CALLED 7 TIMES..OK?! he was like "wellll...did u get anyone to fill in for u?" im like "um. no. im sick. i dont have anyones number..im in no mood to call anyone..i cant help being sick." he was like um well talk to tiesha tomorrow, because thats a write up. im like wtf..i get written up for being SICK? are u kidding me tie never wrote me up for being sick before. so today i strutted my ass in there and tie was like no i dont get written up; DONT MIND BRIAN. fool. tryna act like he some queen. plz.. next ---> oh MONDAY, let me tell u guys..ugh. i donated blood out of the kindness of my heart..literally. first they asked me all these questions..almost wasnt able to give blood bc i went to the dominican republic, but since i didnt leave the resort i was alrite. then they had to prick my finger for iron and hemoglobin. well she did my left finger..it wasnt bad. but i had a 9.2. healthy is 12.6 and up. so now i have low iron and hemoglobin..she was clalin me anemic. so she pricked the other finger..like a drunken ho! she like sliced my finger..and then she was like ok good youre 12.9 in this hand. your good to go. meanwhile i got this huge slice in my finger..damn broad. i was pissed. so i walk over to the food table (they make us eat afterwards) and i was talkin to my friend angie and mercedes showed up. then i walked over to one of the open beds where this guy was doin ppl. (there was three nurses and each had three beds around them, so they were helpin three ppl) now there wasnt anyone tellin us where to go they jus told me to go on an open bed..so i sat down in the guys area. he turns around and goes "who told u to sit there?????" im like umm it was open. he goes so what! im like umm im supposed to go where theres an open bed. this was open so i sat myself down. soo..lets get this over with. and he was like oh now ure gonna get fresh, watch yourself. im like umm..listen. youre workin for the school, shut up. so i waited like 15 minutes til he finished the other ppl and he put the needle in..no big deal..i was done in three minutes. everyone else was there for 10 and mine was done in 3. thanks to the three bottles of water i drank prior to the needle. lol. when he took out of the needle i didnt feel anything til afterwards my arm hurt so bad. yesterday there was some bruising..that was normal. but Today..1. i cant feel the area around my elbow. 2.my hand is swollen and tingles. and 3. the bruise is HUGE and nasty and dark..its gross. it looks like im a victim of child abuse of domestic violence. this shit is insane. everyone is like u should sue blah blah. i have temporary nerve damage. they obviously hit a tendon and a nerve. i mean the needle was wayyy below where they normally put the needle. its was in my forearm. then today i was in guidance doing my transcripts and letters for college (sending them out) and the lady there was like yeha ppl were complaining the ppl werent very good. im like aw hell. these people. why do i always have to suffer these retarded ass random things? go figure. on a lighter note...ALL my college apps and mess are DONE! yesssss! im so happy and relieved. and whats even better, my guidance consuelor is going to push for me to get into a certain school. shes going to make phone calls and speak to the dean of admissions and all that bc she says she "believes in me". which is a great feeling..bc i need all the help i can get and its really nice to know that i have gotten all these great recommendation sheets and my guidance consuelor is not only calling for me, but she wrote a great recommendation also. so..*sigh* now all i do is pray. the college shes pushing for me is ramapo. man if i get in...whew. that'd be great. not only is it a nice campus and 15 minutes from nyc, but danielle n ana just got into there last week..and if we all went, we could request to room together................! im staying optimistic though..i have hope. i wrote my essay like it was the last piece i was ever going to write and it was going to leave my imprint on something or someone. and i just hope and pray that it does me justice. i put a lot into it. *crosses fingers for now* im going to go shower.<3 shannon<3 QUOTE OF THE DAY: "And to a world sick with racism, GET WELL SOON!" - Janet I can't seem to breath Feels like it hasn't been that long Since you walked away from me Now I can try to act real strong But you and I both know I still think of you, that way But baby I just wouldn't be the same Cuz you are still on my brain... -jt. shannon<3 QUOTE OF THE DAY: "Time doesn't wait for anyone; I shouldn't either..." -unknown. hmph shit. but yeah if i'm not on for awhile..this is the reason why. so right now we're going to costco to go see if we can get a new monitor for some cheap ass discount price..*pray for me* <3 shannon QUOTE OF THE DAY: "It doesn't matter how famous you become, or how much money you make...you'll never be as important as the ocean." -Justice Poetic Justice for one, my family is ...well..actually i dont know any words to describe whats going on. basically i think, my brother bobby is back on drugs. my brother jeremy is missing his $550 watch, and my dad discovered last night that $6000 worth of his fishing equipment and tools are missing. they all looked at my brother. and i didnt at first...they've always blamed him for a lot of things and have always been on his case..i've tried to stay as nuetral and understanding as possible. but in this case..it's just too much..in this case it does point to him. and it hurts..so, bad. this is his 3rd time out of rehab. he was lucky he even went to rehab bc he was going to be sent to rykers. he has a son now..and you'd think he'd clean up and stay that way...that baby is all he has to live for. and that baby needs a father..and all i see is him letting his son down and letting his family down. as much as my family has been on his case about things..i know they all mean well and they all care about him. i just dont think he knows that; despite the infinite times he has been told. and im also angered..because this is all so selfish to me. hes taking advantage of the fact my parents let him move back in. hes taken advantage of the fact that my sister in law lets him see the baby..with the way he treats her. i mean shes not the holiest person in the whole..shes a bit shady too but shes smart. and she knows that baby has to see his father. but he doesnt understand the morality of the situation. and he takes it all for granted. i dont know what has to happen for him to realize that everything he is and everything hes able to have right now can all be taken away in the snap of a finger. he can be in jail..never see his son and never be able to set his life straight til he gets out. it upsets me so much to kno that hes not better and that he may even be put away. i mean yesterday at work my mom came in before she was going to leave and told me about the equipment bc my father called her cell n told her..and she left and i just couldnt help but cry..i was standing in the store..and i just started to bawl. im thankful i work with great ppl..one of the guys jamal took me in the back and talked to me and got me water and made me a feel a little better..but all last night i was just so out of it...because i know. I know whats going on..and it's different this time because I'm older and I;m able to understand what this is and think about it..as opposed to being 5 years old the first time my 2oldest brothers got into drugs and watching them fight and get kicked out the house and just not know what actually happened. and even tthough those memories came up a while back and hurt...these i will admit..hurt even more. the consequences are more serious..and this is his life i'm scared for. i'm scared..and it scares me even more that I have no solution..but to be his sister. another thing..my heart is overwhelming me. it's just simply losing patience i think..and i'm fighting that because i never feel the way i have. i dont want to lose that. i mean..even my friends have told me..omg you have emotion! and with this its different it makes me/made me happy..and it made me cheerful..unwillingly. and now i feel like...stagnant. i dont know..all i know is i dont want to lose this feeling..i honestly, truly do believe that this is for me..whether or not its in my face face saying "YES this will work"...i believe it..i believe in the preconceived future from my subconscious. lol it just feel like it'd be right. And thats my battle...to make it a truth. i just dont' know how yet.. but um..i'm gonna go DL some music.. shannon<3 QUOTE OF THE DAY: "When people show you who they are the first time, believe them." - Maya Angelou i'd write right now..but i have hw..a shower..some other ish to do..and my heart is hurting. :'( so i'll write when i'm in a happier state of mind. not to mention when i change this damn layout. yuck! i can't stand it. <3 shannon. QUOTE OF THE DAY: "Great things come in time." -Unknown. ok so what happened this weekend? not much. I worked Saturday..missed the SATs in the morning; I was sick. Then at 5:30 I went to work. It was...so-so. I saw Dave and Mike..two kids who I hardly know but act like they know me. Oh Anthony came and visited me..with JULIAN. I was soooo suprised..I haven't seen Julian in sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo long. Ugh he's so adorable. He's changed though..a lot. :-/ Anywho. OH! You know who else came to my job??? This triflin' ass lady who I got in a fight with at Marshalls back in the Spring..YEAH! This ho had nerve too. She real ugly and skinny..no style whatsoever..(See back in the springtime I was in Marshalls trying on blazers and whatever..and I guess she tried one on and didnt like it, and put it back on the rack outside the dressing rooms; and I passed by it, liked, tried it on, it fit, so I gave it to my mom to hold. Well the bitch came back out and was like where is my blazer I want it now. Then I came out after I changed my clothes and I was like "whats going on?" and my mom was like she wants this jacket. I was like um no. did u buy it? and she was like no and i told her well then it aint yours, your beat. and she was like but i tried it on first. i was like so who gives a damn u put it back u didnt want it, u lost. this aint a charity event. and she got the managers and whoever else in creation and they were like we cant do anything u didnt buy it. u put it back and they took it. then she followed us in the parking lot and my mom was like bitch keep following us i will run you over. and thats the last we saw her) She came in the store and wanted to try on these hootchie boots. So i got her size..w/e why she throw the boot at me and told me "take out the stuffing" im like excuse me..im an associate..not a slave. so she did it herself. then she got nerve..she asked me to take off the shoe from her foot. i was like my name aint Hazel..take off your own shoe..you aint the only customer. All my co-workers were like..W T F..shannon put her in her place! but I remained civilized as i possibly could. she eventually bought the $118 boots. but UGH what a ho. on a better and more enlightening note, I came home at about..11:15...Danielle called at 11:45 to go out with her. So I did.. :) On the way, we picked up eddddieee and we traveled to the Menlo Park Diner..for (me) a cappuccino and some shootin practice with a ketchup bottle. ..yeah.. and none of us had any skills. danielle was waaay too hyper for her own good. lmao. but i think we had a nice..40 minutes at the diner. atleast i did. :) oh new topic-- ok so i discovered Donnel Jones' new song featuring Jermaine Dupri last night on BET Late. "Better Start Talking"...ooh yes. "...Girl, can't you see? She wants to Take your place She wanna give me everything That you don't Don't let her just Walk right in Don't make a big mistake.. Pick it up So good that I can't let go You Better Start Talking.." Ah ha. How great is that. And it was so odd..bc I randomly woke up and it was on the tv..i heard the chorus..and it sang to ME! Yes, it did. lmao. Y'know..I'm not really going to go there.lmao. Let the song speak for itself. It's 11:09 and I gotta take a shower. So..I'll return another time. <3 shannon QUOTE OF THE DAY: " Doing what we love should be like breathing, we can't live a day without it." -OPRAH! i was sick tuesday and wednesday...and yesterday..was just not a good day. i didn't sleep...maybe about an hour if anything. my eyes just would close for the reason i needed them to. but that's done with. and today well i just came home from school early i got sick this morning so..go figure. my stomach hasnt been right. im starting to think it's nerves...sigh and after this week my nerves are shot to hell. so its probably why my stomach is so sensitive right now. i dunno i just wanna go in my bed..curl up under the covers and sleep for as long as i possibly can.. Maybe I'm the only one who loves the security of your own bed. When it's cold..it's warm. When your tired..it rests your head. OK so i have issues..lmao. Honestly I don't know what to write about right now..I wanna write about so many things..but it won't come out right. And I have this tendancy to never admit as a whole..how I feel to people. Not that people have any right to know what I'm feeling..nor do they care probably..but it helps, and its just something I have a problem...even writing; let alone saying. Sometimes I wish I could just scream it out at people..just to get it out. I have no problem telling people my opinion of things or my opinion of them....but my feelings? No..I can't ever picture myself just telling someone my inner most thoughts..fears...lusts..loves..saddnesses. Maybe my problem is that I don't want to relive them. That if I retell them..it'll just bring back those things...the things I hide for such petty reasons. And this here reminds me of "The Velvet Rope" now that I re-read it quickly... Let me explain what I mean by that for those who don't own that album... It's a metaphor..velvet ropes in reality separate people. At clubs they separate the regular part of the club, from the VIP. What's so special about VIP? Well we don't really know..we don't know those people; and probably never will because they're not accessible to us. Now if you look at that situation figuratively..we as people put our own velvet ropes up. We block things out that we don't want to coincide or intertwine with our lives..things we experience that we'd rather not talk about, that we'd rather not admit, that we'd rather sweep under the rug. With that, people never find out who we are..because our experiences define us. They make us stronger, they make us smarter..and blocking them out is that velvet rope separating us from knowing ourselves and letting other people know who we are. And i realize..which is weird..bc I know what the situation is..but i realize that's exactly what I'm doing. Eventually I'm going to trip over that heap I swept under the rug. Which is what I don't want... I guess I still have to work on it all...get my thoughts together in time. I'm going to just shut up now..go upstairs..and curl under my covers and rest my head.. <3 shannon QUOTE OF THE DAY: ".....Sometimes people come into your life and you know right away that they are meant to be there to serve a purpose, to teach you a lesson, or to help you figure out who you are. You never know who these people may be, but when you lock eyes with them, you know that every moment they will effect your life in some way." - Unknown i'm tired..i didn't sleep until 4 am this morning..just had waaaaaaaay too much on my mind for my own good. my own impatience being one. *rolls eyes* i'm about to go clean my room..so maybe i'll write something worth reading later.. <3 shannon. QUOTE OF THE DAY: Believe in yourself, because in the end, no one else will. -Janet. ahhh..i'm so..i don't know. i'm happy. i'm real happy. even today at work..i was all smiles and they were all asking me wtf is up. lol alex (one of the managers) was like "girl..why are you smiling so much?! there are waaay too many retarded ass people walking around doing stupid shit in the store for you to be so happy. What's so great that you all smiley and giddy?" I laughed, because he said "giddy"..which not a lot of people say and he was like "See..you gotta tell me now..why you so smiley!?" And I sort of have an answer..and I sort of don't. LOL. That doesn't make an type of sense..but there's a possible answer that may arise for my good mood..but for now I'm keeping the mood. I hope yall understood that..lol OK so anyways..speaking of work..I hustled today..whaaat! I'ma hustla, I'ma I'ma hustla homie! Ask about me! hahaha. I called the store couple minutes ago and i was {$3500} Ooo you guys just don't understand my sale-ness. But right now I have to go...me and danielle are about to wreck Jersey. so i'll ttyl. all my love<3 :) shannon* QUOTE OF THE DAY: Do not fear mistakes, there are none. -Miles Davis i hope you all eat as much as your stomach can hold! get real plump...and pass out on the couch! yeah....that's what Thanksgiving is all about...food obsessed America..you gotta love it! LMAO. Anywho..my dad broke the oven this morning. Y'know..he never listens. We tell him to stay out..afterall his name is not Emeril..and he burns hotdogs..he has no culinary skills whatsoever besides when cooking fish; and there's no fish on Thanksgiving...in my house atleast. lol. So me and my mom went in the basement to bring up food that was prepared yesterday and we hear a big bang. We come upstairs and the oven doesn't even TURN ON! W T F dad. The day we need it the most..he breaks the dang oven. Go FIGURE! Thank the Lord we have a kitchen in the basement...or else I wouldve sent him to go break into Best Buy and rob us a new oven. The family comes over in about...45minutes to an hour. That'd be 2 PM my ppl who cannot tell time. lol. I haven't showered yet either..not that I need to..I took one this morning..but I smell like...lets see..mashed potatoes..sweet potatoes, pumpkin pie, apple pie, stuffing, and turkey gravy..that is so not appealing..lol. & to make things even more merry...of all days out of the month..today is my day. Psh..I'm just gonna take 4 advil..and pray that this doesn't ruin my day of over-eating. (most likely, it won't). I haven't the slightest idea, how I'm going to roll out the bed tomorrow morning to go to work..on BLACK FRIDAY. I'm going to be full beyond my capacity..and irritable..I hope I don't get in a fight with any customers..lmao. I need the money..my check yesterday was $99.05. Pretty good for only 3 days of work being I missed a whole week because of vacation..but still you can't survive off $99.05. So this upcoming holiday/special weekend that I'm working..(yes, I'm working Friday-Saturday-Sunday) I'm gonna make a shitload of commission. Probably won't end up spending it on myself either..I have to buy X-Mas presents this year...the first time too.lmao. THAT'S CORRECT EVERYONE. If you're anyone who anybody to me...you will be receiving a present from me this year..because I now can afford this stuff. If I don't make a lot..I'm telling you guys right now..you WILL be getting a cheap ass present. So...don't be mad if you get a toothbrush...or a card of thoughtful-ness..or an ornament made from popsicle sticks. Remember..it's the thought that counts and the fact that I got to eat while making your present. :D OK I have to go back into the war-zone...aka the kitchen to finish up a few things with my mama. Then I have to throw myself in the shower before the army gets here. TTYL I hope you all enjoy your day...all my love ;) shannon* QUOTE OF THE DAY: There are plenty of people who don't like me, but there are ten times more who love me; and I love myself. - Beyonce I woke up in a great mood..I was in school very enthusiastic and cheerful...I came home..and I was still cheesy. Took a nap...woke up...and I WAS STILL SMILING. I am so corny. lmao. Turkey Day tomorrow. Yesssssssssss! I can smell it all already. All the aunts minus one were here today cooking and conjuring up all the festivities to dig into tomorrow. Basically everyone and their sisters grandmas cousin will be here tomorrow..in my house. YAY! Gotta love family. See somethin's up..i just reacted with a YAY! to having every bit of family here tomorrow.. Anyways. I have decided I will end each of my future entries with quotes. Why? I dunno I feel quotes are oceans of intellectual thought. They can be discussed and interpreted in numerous ways. We all know what we read is the same...but the meaning varies from person to person. Kind of like music, the lyrics are the same to everyone when we read them and hear them..but the messages are extremely different. Which is the beautiful thing about the human intellect in my eyes...so..here's todays quote from moi: QUOTE OF THE DAY! We all have the need to feel special. It's this need that can bring out the best in us; yet the worst in us. <--- Janet Jackson im back in action. **edited*...i feel like a little school girl..how silly. anywho on an even more frustrating topic of mine..college. W T F. who made this process to damn retarded? its so much. and not to mention my GPA and my SAT score make no sense. My GPA is a damn 2.4 and my SAT score is a 1590. Hello. Someone explain that. I'm under-qualified with my GPA and over-qualified for my SATs. Go figure. I seriously doubt I'm going to get into where I really wanna go..which is La Salle...I seriously doubt I'm going to get into my second choice, which is Ramapo. I don't know what the hell to do. I'm just going to send these bitches in, and see wtf happens. As long as I don't go to Middlesex, I'm straight. Going to Middlesex is like going to 13th grade. And I'm not about to stay in high school with the rest of the people who I;m trying to get away from and avoid. There's way too much I want to do...I have a lot of dreams..and looking at the way the system is run; I'm in no position to actually get anywhere.. And this is how I'm feeling ATM. It's so difficult...but i do know it'll pass. I'm optimistic. ttyl. going out with the bro in a couple. LOL. Yes, this is another long talk from moi. Don't you hate when you have feelings you know you shouldn't have? Or when you think you're going about things right, but when shit hits you, you wish you could go back? Regret. We all share it. It's understandable though, if you have feelings that you regret, because of whatever reasons, you can't help yourself. It's something that came on natural..yet we blame ourselves as if we have faulted; as if we have once again "wasted" precious time thinking about one thing, when we could've been doing something productive. I'm a current victim of the sad feeling of regret. I know I shouldn't feel this way..but as Aaliyah said "It's Whatever". Y'see, I'm very,...fond, of this person I know..very much so. We're good friends actually...we always were I always had a little thing for this person..but this person is not interested, from what I believe and is involved. So, of course, here comes regret.."SHANNON! Why are you wasting your time?"...Regret, I honestly have no idea..it's just how I feel. it's either I get rid of you, or drive myself crazy, just because I'm disappointed that my feelings aren't returned. I chose to get rid of you. Now it's the road that's less chosen...the road to understanding the fact yeah, its not going your way but appreciate wtf you have.. Chronicle: Regret Pt II tomorrow..lmao P.S. I GOT MY LICENSE TODAY! oh well..not a lot happened anyways. LOL. besides the fact danielle and i have been together like peanut butter n jelly lately. good times. i get my license in two days and i go on VACATION NEXT WEEK..well..Sunday. HOLLA! oh i got my senior pictures today..the proofs..Hell..I look HORRIBLE. besides like two pictures, and they're lucky one of them was the ones that go in the yearbook. because i was NOT taking that shit over again. *whitney voice* aw heyyyl nawwww bobbaay! oh my gosh..u know what i found last night? my diary from 4th-7th grade! *falls on the floor laughing* SOOOO HILARIOUS. it's soo weird how much we change..my first entry read: November 24, 1997 dear book, i got this book in the mail from my moms friend for thanksgiving. weird lady...she sends gifts on thanksgiving? im going to use this as my diary book though, so im going to write about my days as a person who is 9 and just went into the 4th grade. because duh..i am 9 and im in the 4th grade. today i was school and my teacher mrs giordano switched our seats! can you belive this?? finally i dont have to sit next to the smelly boy chris!!!! now i sit next to giorgio in the front of the class. hes nice and he dont smell. which i am happy about. i get mad though because chris never did his homework and i didnt too so we both would go to study hall and not get yelled at because we sat next to each other. but now i sit with giorgio and he does his homework a lot and i get in trouble after miss giordano checks his homework because i never do it. oh well.i hate homework and will never do it again. so miss giordano can just stop telling me to do my homework and send me to study halls. i also went to band today. i play the clarinet. i cant play really though, i just blow in it and put my fingers on the keys and make it look like im doing it. i really dont know what im doings. its weird because my clarinet sounds better then a girl near me and she said she can play. yeah right stupid girl! ok well im going to write tomorrow again. bye. shannon. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I was such a fool. still am..but not that much. LMAO. oh and BTW, i have a..current love interest. :x hey boy how ya doin'? you are the guy i am really pursuin' |
